I thought he was going to kill me. If not by breaking my head against the wall of my dorm, then by telling Mom what I had said. The church wouldn’t have culled me but, God, what would they have done instead?

“Okay,” Theo amends. Every word comes out slowly, like he’s picking them carefully, like I’m a wild animal he’s trying to keep from snapping. “Okay. Yeah, I deserve it a lot. I shouldn’t have laid a hand on you. It wasn’t right. And when you left, I realized that. I was so scared, babe, I thought someone found out what you’d said, I thought you’d been taken away.” He’s deteriorating, picking up speed. “This is a sign, isn’t it? Finding you here? I’ve been praying for a second chance, and I have it now, so please. Please, I’m so sorry.”

Five seconds have been up for a long time. My stomach burns with Flood and Seraph, and so does my ring finger. It feels naked. The knife falls.

I don’t know what’s going on below us, and I don’t want to know. It’s just noise and terror. My world has shrunk down to Theo on the ground in front of me, like it always does.

I say, “What are you doing here?”

“The pilgrimage was the only way to get into the city to find you,” Theo says.

“To find me.”

“To find you.” He moves closer, his eyes catching mine and refusing to let go. “I was wrong. And I know I don’t deserve it, but I wanted to say I’m sorry for what I did. Because I love you.”

I love him too. God, I still do, I still do.

I bare my teeth. “I’m not going back with you.”

“I know,” Theo says. “I came here to follow you. I couldn’t let the city take you alone. If it wants you, it has to take me too.”

The blade of the knife bites into the carpet at my side. “What if I don’t believe you?”