Since Mom is one of the most important people in New Nazareth, our family’s apartment-style dormitory is a decent one. We’re in one of the biggest residence halls, closest to the heart of campus, overlooking the courtyard nestled in the middle of our U-shaped building. I even get my own room. That’s a blessing, because if this had been Mom and Dad’s room too, I wouldn’t be able to handle it. I’d keep seeing him over my shoulder. I’d keep screaming for him.

This is repentance.

Theo presses his face into the crook of my neck and stands there with me until Mom calls from the living room. It’s time to go.

“She may not be the most accepting,” Theo reminds me, “but she does care about you.”

I nod like I believe him.

“We all love you,” Theo says, and he holds out a hand for me to take. I accept, and my other hand touches the pocket of my dress, where I’ve hidden Nick’s note.

Sister Nelson plays the piano since Sister Shoemaker, the usual church pianist, sprained a tendon in her wrist while I was gone. Every note rises to the towering ceiling of Kincaid Chapel, twinkling like invisible stars. I wasn’t expecting to have a panicked reaction to an instrumental version of “When We All Get to Heaven,” but here we are. Theo squeezes my hand as I fight to breathe, and Mom smiles as if she can make up for the gory mess of my body.

For the whisper of the boy she’s tried to erase from me.

Kincaid Chapel is the centerpiece of New Nazareth, and it has been kept perfect even through the end of the world. The reception area is full of banners and murals, the sun beams through the glass walls, and there are so many people waiting for us that it feels like coming to the gates all over again. An apprentice reverend has left out a basin of water for us to wash our hands as we enter.

Sister May, one of Mom’s friends, whispers “blessed Seraph” as we pass. The whisper starts a ripple, blessed Seraph, blessed Seraph, and Mom beams in the perfection of it all. She’s smiling so wide, it shows every tooth, even the ones too far back in her mouth, like her lips are being stretched unnaturally. After so long in the ALC, it’s unsettling to see everyone unmasked. They’re all barefaced, showing their emotions to the world with nothing to hide them. Their smiles don’t look right anymore. Or maybe they’ve always been this wrong.

“This is for you, Esther,” Mom murmurs, resting a hand on the back of my neck. I want to grab it and break it. That or tear off the rest of my skin.

We’re greeted at the sanctuary by Brother Hutch.