“God, yes.” I peel back part of the bandage. My arms are so much worse than they were. They look like the skin would slough off if I started peeling, like a sunburn that goes all the way down to the fat and tendons. The blisters on the back of my hands are pitiful in comparison. “I don’t have long. Maybe a week or two.”

“I was wrong,” Nick says. “I won’t call you that again.”

“And I was wrong too.” More than you know, but I just can’t bring myself to say it.

Silence, then: “I was stationed at New Nazareth,” he says.

My brain short-circuits. I knew everyone at New Nazareth. This doesn’t add up. “You were?”

“We never crossed paths. My parents weren’t all that important, just some Baptist pastor and his wife.” He’s right; that could be describing a lot of people. “I was a year ahead of you in Sunday school.”

Plus, with the way Nick spends most of his time alone, and his being in the death squads…Okay, maybe it does make sense we never met. I never really focused on cute boys when I had Theo to occupy myself with.

“Did you ever have Sister Mackenzie?” I ask. “She was the worst.”

“She was awful.”

“Do you remember when she brought in that crucifix? The one with the naked Jesus that had his dick out and everything?” Nick makes a spluttering noise, which I realize is his laughter, and I laugh too. “I can’t believe she did that. Just. The entire dick was out. I swear it’s the only reason I don’t want one now.” I make a flaccid motion with my finger. “It looked like a sad worm.”

He splutters again. My cheeks hurt from smiling. A small moment of calm in this burned-out building, surrounded by bodies, both of us aching, nervous, and so, so tired.

I should apologize for burning this place down, but I don’t. I want to keep this moment safe. I wish I could stay here forever, surrounded by ash and death and his laughter.

Cormac counts the ears we manage to retrieve as if there will be more the next time he does: three. Three isn’t nearly enough for what the Angels did to us. What they took from us. Our food, our water, our home, our safety.

Alex brings up the idea of taking the ears of our dead friends. The Vanguard won’t be able to tell the difference. We consider it. There is nothing in the traps, our food stores are mostly ash, and we can’t risk disappointing the Vanguard. Not after what I did.

A lot of things are my fault these days.

Nick says, “I’ll leave it up you, Cormac.”

“Jesus.” Cormac pulls his hair. “Don’t make me choose.”

“Then we’ll vote. No looking.”