I take a deep breath before I begin. “Izzy persuaded me to go. I just wanted to see you one last time. I saw you in the pool making out with a woman; you were so drunk. Izzy wanted to ask you if you had feelings for me, but I told her to forget it because there was no point, so we stayed and hung out with some of her friends from her sorority. I got drunk because I was hurt that I saw you with that girl.” I pause as memories march through my mind. The way his lips locked with hers and how he had his hand on her butt cheeks caused my gut to fall to the floor. I swallow the huge lump in the back of my throat.

“Keep going, Rainbow.”

“Yeah, sorry.” I clear my voice. “I was with Ryan and even though I had feelings for you, I wasn’t going to leave him to be with you. I was too terrified he would hurt me.” I was so scared Ryan would kill me if he found out I wanted to be with Gunner. That I thought about another man. He used to ask me questions about Gunner, about why he’d come to the library and see me. I would tell him little lies. I never told Ryan that Gunner asked me out on a date either. Ryan asked me why I was crying out of the blue and I told him I failed a test in business class, which was partially plausible because if I didn’t pass I would have to repeat that class over. But I cried for days about not being able to talk to Gunner or go on a date with him. Looking at someone every day that you can’t have is like having a knife stabbing your heart five million times.

“My first six months of my sophomore year, you came to the library to see me. And I looked forward to seeing you.” I pause, inhale and exhale. “I loved you even when I was with Ryan. I loved you even when I hated you. I hated myself for loving you because I knew we couldn’t be together back then. In my jacked-up world, I found comfort in your presence and it meant everything to me that you sat with me.” Wolf soaks up every word, and he’s thinking hard. “Ryan punished me for falling in love with you, but I don’t regret it.” I finally admit how I felt all those years ago and it feels good, like a burden has been lifted.

Wolf is quiet, and I watch him cautiously. I don’t want to scare him off and maybe I shouldn’t overshare with him.

“Did you know that I ca—”

“You still love me?” His eyes twinkle, but he keeps a straight face.

“Yes, of course,” I say, then I swallow.