But then, how was it that the same thing—in this case the interaction with others—could equal duty with one person and, with another, become something absolutely craved? The anvil was still there, so why did it seem to shift its weight at random? Except it wasn’t random, was it? Few things truly were. It was, however, incidental. I knew why I felt so tired since seeing Marcy. In a way, she was the one who made me aware of it. It didn’t have anything to do with Ethan and yet it had everything to do with him. I kept trying to reconnect with the people in my life who had failed to show me what a boy, who I’d just met, seemed capable of doing with utter ease and exceptional readiness. For that, I had no answers. Perhaps a question.

What did that make me?

*

“Thomas?”

“Sorry?” I hadn’t heard her, too busy looking outside as I stood in her office. I finally turned to her after who knew how many times she’d called my name.

“Where were you?” Dr. Foster asked, smiling.

“Oh, I—” I tried buying some time, but it was of no use.

Thing was, I actually wanted her opinion on this particular matter.

“Am I bad for him, do you think?” I asked, turning back to looking out the window.

“What?”

I let my head fall back and couldn’t help but let out a breathy sigh. She knew how much I hated repeating something we both were very much aware she’d heard and was only getting me to say it so I’d work it out for myself.

“Why would you be bad for him?”

“I dunno,” I told her. “Maybe I just…am.”

“Okay, why are you bad?”

I took a few moments before speaking. A little boy wearing a baseball cap sat on the steps of a brownstone across the street, anxiously tapping his feet as he waited for something. I wanted to find out what it was. For some reason, I thought he might have been waiting for someone to bring him ice cream. A parent or a sibling. He looked so happy, though, so maybe he was waiting for a grandparent.

“You know, I had the best two days,” I said, still watching the little boy. Both of us waiting for…something.

“You did?” she asked, almost certainly smiling.

“Uh-huh.” I nodded. “I never once felt…weird.”

“Weird?”

“Off.”

“Like you usually do?”

“Pretty much, yeah.”

“What did you feel?”

“All of it,” I quietly said, taking a deep breath.

I might have whispered it, but she’d heard me.

“You were right, then?” she asked.

“What about?”

“This boy. And his kindness.”

I smiled.

“Why don’t you come sit down?” she asked.

“In a minute,” I told her as I watched the little boy.