I didn’t know why I felt so weird about admitting it. Jonas wasn’t the issue. Neither was Ethan. It was, as it always seemed to be, me. I’d always had the tendency to do things but not necessarily say them out loud—say them to myself, more so than others. Something about not uttering certain words and phrases had always seemed a bit safer, as if not saying them somehow shielded me from whatever result I was afraid of. Utter nonsense, I was aware. But still…a habit.

“It feels good,” I said.

To feel.

“He makes me feel good,” I continued.

“You know, I thought it was just…fun. At first,” Jonas said. “It took me listening to you talk about him for about a minute before I understood.”

“Understood what?”

“That you’re screwed, my friend.”

I laughed. “I know.” I shook my head.

“Are you really going to talk to Marcy?”

“I have to. She knows everyone.”

“That’s going to be—”

“Awkward?”

“Brutal.”

“Yeah,” I agreed. “That too.”

“You know, I dated her, so…I do have some insider information.”

“Yeah?”

“When you see her,” he said, looking at me. “I don’t know how angry you still are, but… take it easy on her.”

“I’m not angry at her, Jonas.”

“You’re not?”

“I was never angry. But, c’mon. This is Marcy we’re talking about. She’s the one who’s angry at—”

“—everyone,” we both said at the exact same time.

“I know,” he said, sounding rather resigned.

“Are you coming to the party?” I asked.

“Wouldn’t miss it.” He smiled. “What are you going as?”

“I thought of going as a mental patient,” I said casually.

He looked at me as though I were high.

“You know,” I went on. “A few ID bracelets, one of those gowns that are opened in the back, no underwear.”

“Well—”

“Possibly underwear,” I corrected myself.

“Some of the people we know might not really—”

“—get it?”

“Yeah.”

“Would you be one of those people?”

“Fuck no, I think it’s brilliant.”

“Thank you!” I said, gesturing broadly to no one in particular but scaring an old lady walking her dachshund.

Jonas chuckled.

“I could also go as a crazy doctor,” I said. “You know, dress up as my therapist and make awkward remarks to random people at the party.”

He almost spat his coffee. “Do that, please!”

It wasn’t long until we got to the Magnolia entrance. It was the first time I’d been this close to the building and didn’t feel nostalgic. On the contrary, I felt oddly misplaced.

“Shit,” Jonas said. “I got Ms. Donaghy, first period.”

“Does she still wear the same dress every day?”

“Yep. And she still fails half the class, so.”

“Go ahead. I have sociology to get to. Slowly.”

“Later, Hart.” He patted me on the shoulder.

“See ya.” I watched as he went inside the school entrance.

*