“Robbie Taggert. We were fourteen,” he recounted, smiling. “We became friends during tryouts for the swim team. I got a spot; he didn’t. For months, we talked on the phone every night, spent all of our free time together, you know?”

Ethan hummed. “One day, we were walking back home from the park, and he just kissed me. I was so excited. But, the next day, he avoided me. When I went to confront him, he hit me and said he didn’t want to be my friend anymore. He never talked to me again. After school was over that year, he moved away. I cried for days.” He sounded not sad exactly. Disappointed maybe.

“That’s awful,” I said, adjusting myself and kissing his chest.

“How about you?” he asked, stroking my hair. “Who’s the first guy you ever kissed?”

“Christopher Chadwick. He was…a bit of a bad boy, which is a term I absolutely despise. Summer would say he was a troublemaker; Liam would tell you he was an asshole—they’d both be right. He was a good person though. Just a bit broken, but who am I to judge?”

“Hey.” He squeezed my arm.

“I was almost fourteen; he was fifteen. We sort of hooked up, on and off, for a few months.”

“Why didn’t your brother like him?”

“Well, Liam was afraid he’d end up hurting me. Most of my friends thought he would.”

“Did he?”

“He kind of did, but it wasn’t all his fault. See, Christopher, Summer…that was on me.”

“Why do you say that?”

“I thought I could bypass the fact that I didn’t really feel anything by starting something in the hopes that my heart would…catch up. It just never did.”

“You wanted to jump-start your own heart?”

“Kind of? Then, after Liam died, I wasn’t able to feel anything anymore, and that just goes to show how the universe can be perverse, in terms of humor.”

“Not always though.”

“Not always,” I agreed, going silent for a few moments. “He would’ve liked you, though, Liam would’ve.”

“You think?”

“Uh-huh.” I nodded.

“So, this…”

“Is different.”

“Is it okay if I ask why? I gotta say I’m a bit nervous, all of a sudden.”

He was. His breathing was a bit heavier; it was actually kind of cute. Thing is, so was mine.

“I’ve never felt this,” I confessed. “It’s…terrifying.”

He chuckled. “Terrifying?”

All I could do was nod.

“Why terrifying?”

“Because you’re wrong. About me. And I—I don’t think I want you to realize it just yet.” I was fully aware of what my eyes were trying to do.