I would never be able to explain how much it meant that he didn’t say used to.

“Yeah, but when you spend the night, I never need to ask Noah for condoms.”

He choked on the smoke. “Holy shit,” he said, coughing and sitting up. “You slut!”

“Fuck off, it was an emergency.”

“Emergency sex? How desperate were you two?”

“I hadn’t done it in a while.” I shrugged.

“How long a while?”

“Um…since Summer?”

“The season, right?” he asked, concerned.

I laughed, shaking my head.

“Jesus,” he said. “That’s so terribly sad.”

“I know,” I told him, widening my eyes. “But I, uh—I think I may have been too—”

“What? Bad?”

“Fuck you, no. It’s just that I assumed he was experienced.”

“Don’t tell me you took that guy’s virginity.”

“I didn’t take his virginity.”

“Are you lying?”

“I am absolutely lying.”

“Oh my God!” he said, hitting me with a pillow.

“I know! I couldn’t even tell my therapist.”

“You’re a horrible person.”

“I keep telling you!”

We both laughed.

“Was it hot?” he then asked, turning serious.

“I didn’t know he was a virgin; he kinda told me after.”

“Kinda?”

“He left a note?”

“What the fuck?”

“It made sense. I mean, there’s context to the note—”

“You haven’t even talked about it?”

“I dunno what to say,” I told him, hiding my face on my pillow. “I mean, what can I say?”

“Anything!” He slapped the top of my head. “Why not start with ‘Last night was awesome’? Oh, wait, that doesn’t work because it’s fucking Monday!”

“I said that, I just didn’t acknowledge the virginity.”

“Obviously!”

It was the first time I’d run out of air from laughing since… I couldn’t even remember.

“You need to bring it up, man,” Jonas said.

“I know. I was going to today, but we just kept being interrupted, and I don’t want to say it over a text.”

“And still, he asked you out? Shit, the guy’s in love,” he said, rather impressed.

“Don’t fucking joke.”

“How is it going to work though? With your parents.”

“I dunno. I haven’t really thought about it.”

“Are you, like, scared to tell them you’re also into guys?”

“Nah, I don’t think they’d care. To be honest, the fact that I’m capable of having any feelings at all would probably be taken as a good sign.”

“Okay. I’ll pretend I didn’t just hear you admit to having feelings for the jock,” he said. “I still don’t get why not tell them.”

“I don’t— For too long I’ve been sort of living this life that has very little privacy to it, you know what I mean?”

“Maybe,” he said, obviously not really getting it.