“What?” Ethan asked, breathing heavily and unbuttoning my jeans—this time like a pro.

“You know I’m crazy, right?”

“What?”

“I mean, are you sure you want this? Because it’s the last time I’m going to try convincing you that I’m a bad idea.”

“Good,” he said. “’Cause I’m not changing my mind.” He shook his head.

He sounded so certain.

I took his hand and spun him around so he could sit on the edge of the bed. I got on top of him, lifting my legs, each knee on either side of him, and sat on his lap, resting both hands squarely on his chest.

“You’re so beautiful,” he said softly, gazing up at me as my hair fell on the sides of his face. It made me want to kiss him even more.

And I did. For a good five minutes.

It was then that I realized I’d be absolutely fine with doing just that, kissing him for hours on end. He had the nicest lips, fuller than mine and a bit smaller—and they were so pink. Such an intense shade of pink that kept turning this deep red the longer I kissed him. I was almost out of breath when he pulled away and pressed my sides firmly.

“Can I fuck you?” he asked, eyes closed. “Let me fuck you,” he all but begged, kissing me again.

I smiled, mid-kiss, making fists with both hands, grabbing his shirt, and pulling him closer. He lifted me up and slowly laid me back onto the mattress, pressing two open palms on my waist and closing his fingers as if grabbing hold.

There was something about the way it felt to have his eyes on me; I’d never experienced it before. There was such intensity in them, almost as if he could see behind mine, truly see, or maybe as if he wished to pierce through. It was the kind of gaze that, in any other situation, might very well have been disconcerting. But at that moment, it felt different, special, like this tangible connection, an invisible thread connecting us that, for a quick moment, had materialized and made itself known. It was a flicker of a second but enough to take my breath away.

We stood there in silence, admiring each other.

I was so gone.

He took a deep breath, lifting my left leg and only briefly breaking eye contact, just long enough to kiss my knee. Then I was the one who took a deep, long breath as his whole weight slowly fell on top of me. It took all I had not to cry out. I bit my lower lip and tried to keep my eyes open so I could see him. It was the hottest moment of my life, how he unknowingly smiled as he did.