I took a few long breaths, an attempt to speak without shaking or stuttering as much. “I love you, Ethan,” I said, smiling awkwardly for some reason.

He looked at me, sort of startled, which was so fucking cute.

“I know I’m a mess,” I continued, wishing for nothing more than to have the moment filled with words instead of silence. “And I kn-know that sometimes it s-seems like I’m not sure of much, but I am—I’m s-so sure of you, baby. And you don’t need to say any—”

“I love you too,” he blurted out, and I was suddenly not cold anymore.

“Yeah?” I grinned.

“So much,” he said, sounding amazed. “I never loved anyone before, so I don’t know if I’m doing it right. If you can feel it—”

“I feel it,” I assured him, and I didn’t think I’d ever seen him so happy. “Can you?”

“I can.” He nodded, pressing his hands tighter around my waist and giving me a kiss.

“I was so scared to come back here,” I confessed, quietly. “I was afraid I’d only see flashes from that night, no matter where I looked.”

“Do you?”

Not without some effort, I took my eyes off him and turned my head to the side, staring at the water for a few seconds before speaking.

“It’s still there,” I admitted softly. “But not just that. There’s…more.”

“More?”

“I learned to swim here.” I could almost see Liam and I running to the water, laughing before jumping in. “That tree over there, by the house? That’s where I fell and broke my collarbone when I was four. It’s why we never had a tree house—’cause I was always getting hurt.”

He leaned in and kissed the base of my neck.

“We’d camp out almost every night too,” I continued. “When it got too cold, we’d set up the tent inside, next to the fireplace and spend the whole night awake, talking.” I was transported back in time. “Liam loved telling me ghost stories that always made me have nightmares for weeks after.”

He snuggled closer.

“As we got older, we stopped setting up the tent, but we’d still spend our nights by the fire. It’s where he told me about Emma and him leaving; where I told him I thought I was bi, and he told me how glad he was I’d finally figured it out.”

Ethan kept watching me with a kindness I had for so long been amazed by but also scared me in a way nothing else ever could. I used to fear that the way he looked at me was undeserved. All right, I still did, sometimes. But I’d figured out what to do about it, and I could say it’d actually helped.

I tried to earn it. I was getting better at it too.