“It’s still a conflict.”

“But—how long?”

“Not until she hands my case to a friend of hers.”

“How long will that take?” He frowned.

“A while, she said. I don’t really know, but…until then, we can’t—I can’t see you.”

“But…I don’t want to stop seeing you,” he said sadly.

“Me neither,” I told him with my head down.

He kept watching me as I shook, sometimes raising his hand as though to reach for mine, but…he didn’t.

“What if we’re extra careful? We can try to keep my mother out of the loop,” he said. “If she finds out… I mean, what’s the worst that can happen?”

“St. Yve’s,” I said, and he instantly widened his eyes.

“She wouldn’t—”

“There’s a reason why I can’t skip a session, Ethan. If I do, if she thinks that I’m getting worse in any way, she can just send me back.”

He looked scared now, which was something I’d never seen, but absolutely hated.

“But…” He started but went quiet for the longest time. “We were just starting this,” he finally said, and it absolutely broke me to hear him say it.

“I’m sorry, Ethan.”

“For what? You didn’t do anything. We didn’t—”

I backed away from him. I couldn’t really look at him without feeling as though I would somehow break, right then and there.

“Wait. Tom—” he said, but I’d already started to turn around.

He came out into the rain and beat me to the end of the steps, then placed an open palm on my stomach, making me stop.

“Just wait,” he pleaded quietly.

He turned his hand into a fist and grabbed my T-shirt, then pulled me to him. I climbed down the last step, still unable to look at him; I then let my head fall forward until it found him, pressing my forehead on his chest.

“I don’t know how to do this,” I finally admitted in a whisper.

“Don’t,” he said, putting his other hand on the back of my neck. “It’s only for a little while, isn’t it?”

I didn’t answer him. He was gripping my T-shirt so hard, and I wished nothing more than to have his hands stay on me for as long as possible. Time had been so still until I’d gotten there, but now that I was with him, it was like everything was happening with such speed I couldn’t even see straight.

“Tom?” He leaned back a bit and lowered his head, trying to meet my gaze.

It took everything I had, but I looked up at.

“It’ll be fine. We can do this,” he said, though I wasn’t sure who he was trying to convince. “We’ll—we’ll figure it out.”