Yes. I had fallen in love with Emily. Only, falling in love with Emily had been like finding a shortcut that led back home. The journey had been effortless because I’d already been halfway there.

God, I missed her. I ached with it.

Even though I hadn’t confirmed what Mrs. Swanson said, her face blossomed in a smile. “You did. Oh. Then why? Why didn’t Emily come back here with you? Why did you separate?”

“Right now? For the promise of safety. Neither one of us knew if you all were…”

“Yes, of course,” she said. “You didn’t know if we’d even be here.” Her gaze drifted away. “So many have died.”

We were quiet for a moment, letting that awful reality settle. “But long term?” she asked.

“I don’t have anything to offer her right now. Even if—when—Emily makes it home, I can’t stay here, clearing land and planting trees.”

“There will be quite a bit more to it than that.”

“I know, but you get my point. For six years, I was purposeless.” I tilted my head, looking up at the night sky, stars just blinking to life. It stretched on and on, just like I remembered from my childhood. “I woke in the morning and ate breakfast and then worked out, read, ate lunch, dinner, went to bed and then woke up and did the same damn thing the next day. I have a chance now to be out there, serving others, making up for the lives that were lost because of me. Emily… Emily deserves someone who doesn’t have the baggage I do. And I…well, I have the chance to offset some of what I did, and who would I be if I didn’t take it?”

“A man who’s decided he deserves some happiness. And some peace.”

“Do I though? The people who were harmed because of me, and those who lost their lives, will never have happiness, or peace, so why should I?”

“Because, Tuck, you still have love in your heart and breath in your lungs. I’m sorry for what you’ve suffered. Sometimes I blame myself for what happened to you.”

“What? Why? No. You had no part—”

“I could have talked to your father and begged him not to let you go to LA. I could have gone there myself and dragged you back and taken you in—”

“I wouldn’t have let you. Please don’t blame yourself. I’m the only one who should bear that burden.”

“I love you though, sweetheart. And when your heart breaks, so does mine. You’ve always been the son I never had, and Mariana would have wanted me to step in more than I did. I let her down, too.”