“I just thought that maybe you wanted this, too,” I say.

He gives me a sad look that makes my entire body feel weighed down with two-ton anchors.

“So you don’t want this,” I clarify.

It’s mortifying to say that out loud, but he has to understand how he made me feel tonight. I want him to recognize that he made me feel like there was possibility blooming between us again.

“I’ve really thought this through since New Year’s Eve, and as much as I wanted this to work between us, you were right—it’s just not a smart idea for us to jump into anything,” he says.

I hate that he’s using my own words against me. I’m afraid if I protest, my voice will come out thin and whiny, like I’m begging for his affection.

“Oh,” I manage to squeak out, feeling very small.

He sighs. “I don’t want to push you away.”

“Right. I know we talked about being just friends,” I admit. “I’m sorry if I crossed a line, then.”

He looks down at his feet and doesn’t say anything. I can feel whatever sliver of a chance of us being together evaporating, and it makes me feel frantic with desperation.

“Do you feel like there’s something between us?” I blurt out. “Because I do. I’d be lying if I pretended otherwise.”

“I…” He trails off and rubs his jaw. I’m overcome by a desire to kiss that spot, but I refrain. “I do. Of course I do, Avery. Come on. You’re beautiful, and so unbelievably strong, and I feel so at home talking to you. I like that we’re cut from the same cloth: competitive, hardworking, goal-oriented. It’s rare to find someone like that who also has room in their life for someone else.”

Against my better judgment, a thrill runs through my body. My brain feels like a jumble of confetti and trumpets and parades. And then I notice the way his voice lilts downward at the end, like there’s a “but” coming. My heart races and then skids to a stop.

Sure enough, he starts with, “But—”

I have to cut him off. “Here’s the thing, Ryan. Whether or not it’s convenient, or whether or not it’s a good idea, I can’t just walk away from the fact that being around you makes me happier than I’ve felt in a long time.”

I sound ten times braver than I feel. It’s terrifying to be so honest with him, but I’m in too deep now to turn around. I have to keep going—I owe it to myself to at least try to win Ryan over. I take a deep breath and barrel on.