The room is dim, illuminated by a strip of lights along the window that emit a soft glow that rotates through the colors of the rainbow. There’s a massive sectional along one wall where an assortment of thick-necked, muscled guys sit with their dates, facing the TV. The screen is turned to the countdown in Times Square, but mercifully, it’s on mute. Instead, ambient electronic music floats through the room. The party is dominated by a dining room table set up for beer pong with teams of two facing off at each end. The kitchen island is entirely covered with empty beer bottles, flattened six-pack cartons, open bags of chips, and a Tupperware full of lopsided, homemade chocolate chip cookies.

Ryan is perched on the arm of the couch, sipping a beer. He pops up when he spots me.

“Hey, you made it,” he says, approaching me and Goose.

He hesitates for a split second, then leans in for a hug. It’s the first time we’ve ever been this close, and I can detect some kind of cologne. I lean into him for a brief moment, and his hand grazes the small of my back.

“Good to see you,” I say.

Training was only a few hours earlier, but here, at the party, it feels like it could’ve been days ago. I unzip my black wool coat and shrug it off, tossing it on the pile of parkas and peacoats on the love seat.

“I brought, um, this,” I say to Ryan, fishing the bottle of merlot out of my bag.

“Oh, sweet,” he says, looking down at the label. “Thanks. Should we open it?”

The merlot seemed fine earlier that night, but now that I see everyone else nursing beers, it feels like an uncomfortably fussy choice.

“Maybe later?” I suggest. “I’ll have one of whatever you’re having.”

Ryan grabs a beer from the fridge, scans the table for an opener, and snaps off the cap. We clink bottles ceremoniously.

“You look great,” he offers sheepishly. “I’ve never seen you, you know…” He gestures to the slick pleather pants and looks like he’s at a loss for words. “I’ve never seen you with your hair down before.”

Was his comment flirty? It felt flirty—but maybe he only wanted to bring me along because the other guys here have dates.

“Oh, thanks, yeah. I figured, you know, I could look a little more presentable for a night out.”