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Chapters (232)
  1. He Who Fights With Monsters
  2. ALSO IN SERIES
  3. 1. Strange Business
  4. Strange Business
  5. 2. Of Course Magic is a Thing
  6. Of Course Magic is a Thing
  7. 3. Local Cuisine
  8. Local Cuisine
  9. 4. Cannibals and Spelunking
  10. Cannibals and Spelunking
  11. 5. Wizard
  12. Wizard
  13. 6. Potent Potable
  14. Potent Potable
  15. 7. Spoils
  16. Spoils
  17. 8. Dark Magic
  18. Dark Magic
  19. 9. Escape
  20. Escape
  21. 10. The Evil Pit of Evil
  22. The Evil Pit of Evil
  23. 11. Dashing Heroics
  24. Dashing Heroics
  25. 12. Sanguine Horror
  26. Sanguine Horror
  27. 13. This is the Part Where We Step Back
  28. This is the Part Where We Step Back
  29. 14. Worlds Apart
  30. Worlds Apart
  31. 15. Outworlder
  32. Outworlder
  33. 16. Rescue Party
  34. Rescue Party
  35. 17. A Conservative Pillage
  36. A Conservative Pillage
  37. 18. One of Us
  38. One of Us
  39. 19. I Want a Lava Cannon
  40. I Want a Lava Cannon
  41. 20. By the Power of Grayskull
  42. By the Power of Grayskull
  43. 21. I Have the Power
  44. I Have the Power
  45. 22. Apocalypse Stone
  46. Apocalypse Stone
  47. 23. I May have Made a Huge Mistake
  48. I May have Made a Huge Mistake
  49. 24. Astral Space
  50. Astral Space
  51. 25. Blasphemy is Kind of My Thing
  52. Blasphemy is Kind of My Thing
  53. 26. Waterfall
  54. Waterfall
  55. 27. Water, Fall
  56. Water, Fall
  57. 28. How Did You All Fit In There?
  58. How Did You All Fit In There?
  59. 29. That’s What Adventurers Do
  60. That’s What Adventurers Do
  61. 30. Closing the Door Too Hard
  62. Closing the Door Too Hard
  63. 31. Taming the Beast
  64. Taming the Beast
  65. 32. Monster Hunting For Beginners
  66. Monster Hunting For Beginners
  67. 33. Mistrun River
  68. Mistrun River
  69. 34. Waving the Flag For Secular Morality
  70. Waving the Flag For Secular Morality
  71. 35. Greenstone
  72. Greenstone
  73. 36. The Island
  74. The Island
  75. 37. A Good Adventurer and a Great One
  76. A Good Adventurer and a Great One
  77. 38. Just Another Adventurer
  78. Just Another Adventurer
  79. 39. Training
  80. Training
  81. 40. Eyebeams and the Ethics of Adventuring
  82. Eyebeams and the Ethics of Adventuring
  83. 41. Vulnerable and Exposed
  84. Vulnerable and Exposed
  85. 42. This is the Pits
  86. This is the Pits
  87. 43. Nightingale
  88. Nightingale
  89. 44. Complimentary Ointment
  90. Complimentary Ointment
  91. 45. So Much For Atheism
  92. So Much For Atheism
  93. 46. Blatant Manipulation
  94. Blatant Manipulation
  95. 47. Mirage Chamber
  96. Mirage Chamber
  97. 48. An Endless, Inescapable Nightmare
  98. An Endless, Inescapable Nightmare
  99. 49. A Voice From Home
  100. A Voice From Home
  101. 50. The Full Keanu
  102. The Full Keanu
  103. 51. Song of the Nightingale
  104. Song of the Nightingale
  105. 52. Pain
  106. Pain
  107. 53. Nightlife
  108. Nightlife
  109. 54. Field Assessment
  110. Field Assessment
  111. 55. Rune Tortoise
  112. Rune Tortoise
  113. 56. Gary’s Gift
  114. Gary’s Gift
  115. 57. Rainbow Smoke
  116. Rainbow Smoke
  117. 58. A Man of Malevolent Intellect
  118. A Man of Malevolent Intellect
  119. 59. Falling Short
  120. Falling Short
  121. 60. Making Music
  122. Making Music
  123. 61. Trade Hall
  124. Trade Hall
  125. 62. Have Some Damn Adventures
  126. Have Some Damn Adventures
  127. 63. Sunk-Cost Fallacy
  128. Sunk-Cost Fallacy
  129. 64. Take My Wife, Please
  130. Take My Wife, Please
  131. 65. Curious Urges
  132. Curious Urges
  133. 66. A Stronger Weapon Than the One in Your Hand
  134. A Stronger Weapon Than the One in Your Hand
  135. 67. This is What it Means to Fight Me
  136. This is What it Means to Fight Me
  137. 68. Good News For Clive
  138. Good News For Clive
  139. 69. Dumpling Soup
  140. Dumpling Soup
  141. 70. Rewards
  142. Rewards
  143. 71. A Bit of Poo
  144. A Bit of Poo
  145. 72. Rat Race
  146. Rat Race
  147. 73. A Grim Sword to Live By
  148. A Grim Sword to Live By
  149. 74. Doing Better
  150. Doing Better
  151. 75. Progress
  152. Progress
  153. 76. Preparations
  154. Preparations
  155. 77. Group Cohesion
  156. Group Cohesion
  157. 78. Jason Has the Good Biscuits
  158. Jason Has the Good Biscuits
  159. 79. Sand Everywhere
  160. Sand Everywhere
  161. 80. It’s Not Work if You Love What You Do
  162. It’s Not Work if You Love What You Do
  163. 81. Crazy Desperation Move
  164. Crazy Desperation Move
  165. 82. Choices
  166. Choices
  167. 83. It Makes No Difference to the Ant
  168. It Makes No Difference to the Ant
  169. 84. Injury & Death
  170. Injury & Death
  171. 85. Because I’m an Adventurer
  172. Because I’m an Adventurer
  173. 86. Some Kind of Secret
  174. Some Kind of Secret
  175. 87. Can’t Lose
  176. Can’t Lose
  177. 88. The Nature of Absolution
  178. The Nature of Absolution
  179. 89. Anti-Pirate Operations
  180. Anti-Pirate Operations
  181. 90. The Path to Bronze
  182. The Path to Bronze
  183. 91. Life & Death
  184. Life & Death
  185. 92. Unusual Contract
  186. Unusual Contract
  187. 93. Truth
  188. Truth
  189. 94. Consequences
  190. Consequences
  191. 95. Punishment
  192. Punishment
  193. 96. You Don’t Get a Third
  194. You Don’t Get a Third
  195. 97. Integrity is Sexy
  196. Integrity is Sexy
  197. 98. The Point of Money and Power
  198. The Point of Money and Power
  199. 99. Someone Else’s Game
  200. Someone Else’s Game
  201. 100. Legwork
  202. Legwork
  203. 101. Fantasy World Goodness
  204. Fantasy World Goodness
  205. 102. You Fight Like Me
  206. You Fight Like Me
  207. 103. Silver Hair
  208. Silver Hair
  209. 104. An Outcome That Satisfies
  210. An Outcome That Satisfies
  211. 105. You Aren’t in Control of What Happens Next
  212. You Aren’t in Control of What Happens Next
  213. 106. Something Shady
  214. Something Shady
  215. 107. All the Good People We Can Get
  216. All the Good People We Can Get
  217. 108. You Don’t Have the Strength
  218. You Don’t Have the Strength
  219. 109. The Tyranny of Rank
  220. The Tyranny of Rank
  221. 110. Help Arrives
  222. Help Arrives
  223. 111. Strange Star
  224. Strange Star
  225. 112. The Accumulation of a Life
  226. The Accumulation of a Life
  227. 113. You Need to Work on Making Enemies
  228. You Need to Work on Making Enemies
  229. FROM THE PUBLISHER
  230. ALSO IN SERIES
  231. LitRPG
  232. LitRPG

Humphrey glanced over to his familiar, who was sitting proudly next to a ratling, dead at his feet. As soon as it saw Humphrey notice it, it transformed into a dog and bounded over for Humphrey to scratch behind its ear. Humphrey walked back to the group through the field, his body drenched in monster blood. The others gave him a wide berth, except for Jason.

“You alright?” Jason asked. He knew Humphrey had killed monsters as part of his training, but he also knew Humphrey was a kind man. Violence didn’t come naturally to him.

Humphrey nodded. His normally friendly smile was macabre on his bloody face.

“That’s what I like about you, Jason,” he said. “You don’t pretend that what we do doesn’t affect us.”

“I don’t think being numb to it all makes you strong,” Jason said. “Strong is accepting the choices you make and owning up to the consequences.”

Like Jason, Humphrey had a dimensional storage space, from which he took a bottle of clear liquid and tipped it over his head. The crystal wash flowed over him, eliminating every trace of blood and filth.

“I’d like to be strong like that,” Humphrey said. “You know, Jason, sometimes it’s like you’re from another world.”

Jason had long ago realised that Danielle had figured him out, not realising she hadn't shared it with Humphrey. He decided to tell his friend all about it when they had the time. For now, they were surrounded by other people. Vincent looked Humphrey over, now clean, the crystal wash rapidly evaporating.

“You got them all,” Vincent said.

“Yes, sir,” Humphrey said.

“Burned a good portion of a farmer’s crop, though.”

“I thought the farmer would rather lose some harvest now than family later,” Humphrey said. “I made a choice.”

“Yes you did,” Vincent said, putting a hand on Humphrey’s shoulder. “Good job.”

55. Rune Tortoise

55

Rune Tortoise

The routine for the field assessment was to stop in a town or village each night. In the morning they would collect monster notices from the adventuring board and set out to deal with them. Vincent took an approach where the would-be adventurers who met his standards were no longer called on for the monster hunts. Starting with Humphrey, the first three days saw four of the seven candidates move from participants to onlookers.

On the third morning, they were delayed in one of the towns Jason had passed through on his original journey to Greenstone. Vincent wasn't willing to turn away the quickly growing crowd of earnest sick people, so the town constable once again turned his office into a makeshift clinic.