I have to concede that I look a billion times better than when I walked in. I press a fiver into his girly hand. He wasn’t expecting that. That feels good. Paying someone off, having the power, and no one saying no to my demands.

As I leave, I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and clock a twenty-something guy with a rugby shirt and a blade-two checking me out at the same time. Our eyes meet. Not this time, maybe when I’m all set up, mate. I toss my new sleek hair down my back and walk on out into the fading light, looking back over my shoulder once, to see him sucking me in.

It takes about fifty minutes to get to the offy on foot. Pimply Tommy is inside.

‘Your boss around?’

He mumbles something and looks furtively around the shop. ‘You can have whatever you like if you come to the back with me.’

I pick a naggin of vodka, wondering if this is a good idea, and tell him I don’t have to go back with him, his boss said I could have whatever I liked, on a tab.

‘He around?’

The guy shakes his head. I wave the bottle at him and go outside and sit on the wall to wait, hoping no one sees me. How long after a girl busts out of hospital do they put out a search party? Adrenaline spikes and scenarios play out, with me as the starring role in all of them.

19. Nico

19

Nico

Petre tells me to stand in the centre of the room and shines a torch beam into my face, so bright that I have to close my eyes.

‘Open,’ he says.

I do.

‘What is your name?’

‘Nicoleta,’ I say.

‘Have you not taught this stupid girl anything?’ he says to Magda, who speaks to me in her new harsh voice. ‘Your name is Natasha. Remember?’

I don’t remember, but I say, ‘Sorry, yes, my name is Natasha.’

‘Where are you from?’

I realise I must not be the real me now, so I look at Magda, who snaps, ‘Romania, remember?’

I know they speak the same language there. I nod.

‘Is she mute?’ another man laughs. And then into my face, ‘Cat got your tongue?’

I stammer, ‘No, sir.’

He likes that. ‘Sir … Very good! Now take off your clothes.’

Magda stiffens. ‘Why now? We’ve washed and we need to get going.’

The men look at one another. ‘Are you answering back, woman?’ Petre says.

‘No.’

I start to pull the dress over my head when Petre says, ‘Enough. It’s time you were going. You’ll do as Igor says, Natasha, is that clear?’

I nod.

‘What’s that?’ the man called Igor says, his feet planted further apart than his shoulders, giving him the impression of a bull carrying something very heavy between his legs.