Are there men hiding behind walls and scrubby trees outside this house, is there an invisible electric fence, or is there simply a wall of evil between all those who enter and all those outside? How do the Guards not know about places like this, with the cars coming and going late at night? There are other houses like this on the street, I’m sure of it. I’m bamboozled with all the drugs in my system but something tells me, some hunch, that punch-in-the-guts kind of intuition, that a run for it would definitely end with a blasted body.

Nico notices me staring at her and makes a tiny movement of her head backwards. I nod back. Irina pretends not to notice and tells Nico to ‘Hup’, it’s time to go. I hadn’t noticed it before, but it’s not just Irina who hovers above the ground – all the girls glide in this house, which must come from losing substance, losing a part of themselves. This place is spinning so far out of orbit, gravity doesn’t apply.

Whatever sedative they pumped into me is making it hard to hold on to any thought for long. My brain is like a washing machine, all jumbled up and soapy, and my body won’t do as it’s instructed. The muscles inside seem to be loose and I can’t hold on. There goes the devil’s hand again, pressing me back against the cold, wet sheets. You chose the wrong girl, horned-man. You chose the wrong victim.

He’s sitting on my chest now so it’s hard to breathe.

33. Nico

33

Nico

Sammy is dancing, dancing, again dancing, banging her head so hard it looks like it might fall off, then she climbs on a stool and throws herself against the window over and over in a frenzy, when I notice a man standing in the door frame, watching her. This is the first time I’ve seen a man in the house and it makes my body shake so hard it seems as if parts of me might break off. A second man walks into the kitchen and they both lift her as she flings her body against the glass. She shrieks like a ripped fairy cap in the wind. I cannot move, not believing this is really happening, not believing I am capable of doing what I just did, saying what I just said.

Irina shakes her head at me and puts her fingers to her lips. Silence. Someone taught you that well. Into that silence tumbles all sorts of noises: hissing, buzzing like giant flies, thumping beats and it goes round and round.

The fat taxi man and others like him are circling this place. There are seeing-eyes planted outside.