I run out of the room and downstairs to the cupboard. I push the back of the chair against the door, light all five candles at once: White Linen, Vanilla, Lemon Balm, Lavender and Geranium, and waft them into the air. I open the second bottle of vodka and gulp down mouthfuls of the stuff until I have sucked the teat dry, until I feel a tearing sensation in my neck and stomach and a numbness in my mind. My mind has stopped chattering, my heart has stopped hammering, I’m lying in a hammock in the wind, the sun is shining on my face, my skin is tanned, the birds are singing and I can hear the sea, cresting and crashing. I turn on my side and rock in the wind.

Suddenly, buffeted by a big gust, I’m on all fours and vomiting all over my new sheets. It comes and comes, waves and waves of it. When it finishes I lie on my side, feeling the wind tracing my face with its fingertips, except now the sky is covering me in rain and I try to open my eyes and put my hands up to shield them.

‘You all right there?’ I can just about make out a shape standing above me. ‘Sit up,’ a female voice says as she lifts me by the shoulders. As she comes into focus I see that there are bruises, not tattoos, on her skinny, bangle-laden arms. I wonder how she got in here, and look at the door and see that the chair has toppled to the floor. ‘That won’t keep anyone out,’ she says, nodding at the chair. ‘You new here?’

I try to nod but it feels as if my brain has expanded to twice its size and might leak through my nose if I make any movement.

‘What were you looking for when you came to my room? You should always knock, always wait.’ Yeah, says the woman who barged in here unannounced. I can’t believe this woman who is standing here talking to me is the same woman who was on her knees. I can’t believe she’s not smashed to smithereens.

‘You have to get away from here,’ she says.

Yes, I do, but not now, now I need to just curl up and sleep and feel the wind stroking my hair, my face. I try to lie back down.

‘No, you don’t,’ the woman says. ‘Come on, I’m taking you to the hospital.’

You’re taking me to the hospital, but surely you’re the one who is broken in two. I choke back some liquid that is threatening to erupt from every part of me.

‘Come on now. I heard you from above. The whole place heard you. You sounded like you were dying.’

You looked like you were already dead.