I look at Nico, who has gone, disappeared, vamoosed. Seriously, I mean she’s standing upright and her heart is hammering away, but she’s not there, not really. I’m spooking myself even more. I kinda want to give her the kiss of life. A butler dude answers the door, nods at Taxi Joe, doesn’t look at us, but gestures to follow him down a long hallway. And here, Miss Samantha Harvey, are the real-deal chandeliers you have been craving. Dadedelahdahadah! We are walking down a red carpet, lines of faces waving at us to get our autographs. Trays of champagne bob about, held aloft by white-fingered gloved hands. A door closes behind the butler guy, and I notice six glasses and a bottle of Moët & Chandon. Six glasses.

I look around at the dark mahogany-panelled walls, roaring fire, dining-room table and high-backed chairs, like something out of a medieval banquet. Plum-velvet curtains are pulled across a window, which is, I’m sure, framing a splendid view of a fountain or a lake, or a pond with golden carp.

I pour two glasses and hand one to Nico. She shakes her head. ‘Go on,’ I tell her, ‘it’s deeelicious!’ She takes the glass, sniffs it, and sips daintily. I can tell she likes the sensation of the bubbles sliding down her neck. Bubbles are always soothing, in the bath, or in the glass. I try to force out a laugh to warm up the hollow room, but it sounds desperate even to my ears, so I glug silently instead.

A man enters the room, dressed in a suit. His hair is slicked back off his face, not greasy, but perfectly styled. He smells of Paco Rabanne, or Dolce and Gabbana’s The One (an educated guess – something pricey and pungent anyway). He smiles easily at us.

‘Good evening, girls,’ he says. ‘You’re most welcome.’

I look at Nico, who is swaying on her feet. God, has the champers had that much effect already, or is she just feeling unsteady on those spiky heels? I try to smile back at him but can only manage to move one side of my mouth. Two floaters and one glass of champers.

‘Our guests this evening are important men. I hope you will show them a good time, yes?’

Them.

‘One of you is intact?’ he asks, staring at Nico.