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Back Hard to Lose
Chapters (55)
  1. TITLE PAGE
  2. TABLE OF CONTENTS
  3. PRAISE FOR K. BROMBERG
  4. ALSO BY K. BROMBERG
  5. COPYRIGHT
  6. PROLOGUE
  7. CHAPTER ONE
  8. CHAPTER TWO
  9. CHAPTER THREE
  10. CHAPTER FOUR
  11. CHAPTER FIVE
  12. CHAPTER SIX
  13. CHAPTER SEVEN
  14. CHAPTER EIGHT
  15. CHAPTER NINE
  16. CHAPTER TEN
  17. CHAPTER ELEVEN
  18. CHAPTER TWELVE
  19. CHAPTER THIRTEEN
  20. CHAPTER FOURTEEN
  21. CHAPTER FIFTEEN
  22. CHAPTER SIXTEEN
  23. CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
  24. CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
  25. CHAPTER NINETEEN
  26. CHAPTER TWENTY
  27. CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
  28. CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
  29. CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
  30. CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
  31. CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
  32. CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
  33. CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
  34. CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
  35. CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
  36. CHAPTER THIRTY
  37. CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
  38. CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
  39. CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
  40. CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
  41. CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
  42. CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
  43. CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
  44. CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
  45. CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
  46. CHAPTER FORTY
  47. CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
  48. CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
  49. CHAPTER FORTY-THREE
  50. CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
  51. CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
  52. EPILOGUE
  53. EPILOGUE
  54. COMING SOON
  55. ABOUT THE AUTHOR

That’s when I completely understand what misery feels like. Because my heart will never recover.

And I will never, ever forgive myself for the utter despair and anger I put on Gunner’s face and in Gunner’s heart. I will never forgive myself for breaking a man who never deserved anything but good.

CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT

Gunner

I DRIVE.

My route is aimless and it does absolutely nothing to clear the noise in my head and hurt in my heart.

She wasn’t a grad student collecting info on military life.

Does it matter? Yes. God yes, it does. Not because she wasn’t a grad student but because she didn’t tell me who she was.

Because she lied to me.

Because she deceived me.

I end up at the national cemetery several towns over. I sit in the truck and watch the American flags wave in the breeze on the headstones. They’re a sober reminder that I’m alive and this is a blip in the game of life . . . but why does it hurt so fucking much?

In my head I can hear Dickman’s voice telling me to suck it up. That she’s only hard to lose if I let her be. That life sucks, but you’ve got to move on.

After the cemetery, I end up sitting beyond the outfield fence watching a high school baseball game. The innings wear on but nothing becomes clearer in my head. Instead, the hurt becomes more, the reality of it all settles less, and I’m left to wonder how I could have been duped. How I could have fallen for Chase Kincade so effortlessly when normally I’m so guarded?

I drive some more.

Through wooded neighborhoods and farmland, but nothing eases the ache beneath my breastbone. Nothing calms the doubt I feel toward my own judgment. And nothing is going to make any of this any goddamn easier.

I’ve never wanted to talk to my mom again more than I do now. She received one of those orange envelopes too. She chose Sal over me, and I had to move on for my own sanity. For the first time since I sent it, I wish I could call her up for no other reason than to ask her how she can love someone and hate them simultaneously.

I know that’s how she felt about Sal.

And it’s currently how I feel about Chase.

When street signs become blurred and night calls to the sky, I finally go home.

The house is like a ghost town. Deserted when she had been everywhere. Quiet when it had been so full of life.

I want it to be like you were never here in the first place.