Joey’s chin quivers and mine does right along with his. I watch Joey reach out and run his hand over the top part of Gunner’s shoulder to feel his scars. “Do you think he hurt?” Joey asks.

Gunner works a swallow down his throat and shakes his head. “No. I don’t. I think you guys loved him so much that all that love protected him from the hurt.”

“You sure?” Joey asks as a single tear slides down his cheek.

“I’m sure,” Gunner says, his voice breaking. “Any other questions?”

“Can we play basketball now?” Carl asks and everyone jumps up, but not before I notice Gunner whisper something in Joey’s ear that has him nodding. They sit there for a moment, staring at each other, before getting up and joining the group like that was as normal as normal can be.

But not me.

The whole scene has shaken me to the core in a way I never could have expected. I knew Gunner was a good man, but he gets these kids in a way most can’t. Even though it sounds like no one was there for him. No one held him. No one reassured him. That exchange with Joey right there might save him years of worry and stress over his dad’s final moments. But because he trusts Gunner, he’ll now believe what he said. He’ll now maybe have some peace.

“He makes it impossible, you know,” Ellie says beside me, as she wipes smudged mascara from under her eyes.

“Who makes what impossible?” I ask.

“Gunner. He makes it impossible to not fall in love with him.”

“I’m not—I can’t—”

“Sure. Justify it any way you want, but you are.”

She states it so matter-of-factly that I don’t even disagree. And maybe by not agreeing, I’m trying to pretend it isn’t true. “I have a life to get back to. A job. A family. My thesis.”

Her eyes hold mine for the longest time. They reflect compassion and understanding but also a fierce protection for her friend. “It’s funny how sometimes the things you left behind feel different when you return to them after new experiences. It’s like what was important suddenly shifts and a whole new set of things replace them.”

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

Gunner

MY CHEST HURTS.

It’s the first time in as long as I can remember that throwing the baseball as hard as I could didn’t help things.

It’s the second time in as long as I can remember that I called in sick to work and had someone cover my shift when I wasn’t really sick.