“I pushed for it though.” His eyes glisten with tears that destroy me. “I was so desperate to feel again that maybe I craved the thrill of a fight. Maybe I needed to make sure I wasn’t dead . . . and in the course, killed four of my friends.”

I frame his face, my soft hands against his rough stubble, and wish I could take away his pain, but know I can’t. “I can tell you till I’m blue in the face that you’re not to blame, but I know you won’t hear or accept it. So I’m going to tell you this, Gunner Camden, and I hope you hear it. You are an incredible human being who not only saved lives that day with your heroics—”

“Chase—”

“No. You listen to me. You saved lives that day, and in the process, almost got yourself killed. Since then, you’ve dedicated your free time to kids who don’t have parents and created a successful business where you give a part of the earnings from your hard work to widows of your fallen soldiers.” I lean forward and press a kiss to his lips. “You make a difference, Gunner. You’ve devoted your life to trying to ease the survivor’s guilt you have, while you make so many more lives better. You make a difference.”

He doesn’t say anything, but his Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows, and he blinks away the tears welling in his eyes.

And I’m okay with the fact that instead of words, he pulls me back down to his chest and just holds on tight.

His chest hitches and each time it does, my heart breaks a little more and fills with love at the same time.

And it makes me coming to terms with what I’ve done and what I’m going to have to do that much harder.

While I thought it would be okay to walk away from him not sharing my truths, I know I can’t do that now. Given his complete honesty, his honor, his heart, he deserves my utmost respect. I don’t want him to believe that I set out to delude him, but he does need to know that in withholding the truth from him, for lying to him, he has the right to feel deceived.

Shit. I hate this.

Tears form in my eyes. Apart from my family, it’s never mattered so much that someone not think badly of me. Knowing Gunner may hate me for dodging the truth is tearing me apart.

I love him. Simple as that. But I know I won’t know his love in return. I’ll have to leave before I can feel that. And that is the worst type of pain.

I’ll hurt, but as I’ve thought before, he doesn’t deserve to be hurt anymore.

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

Chase