“That’s sweet of you. I’m fine. I promise.” I emit a self-deprecating chuckle and acknowledge the fact that with anyone else, I’d feel smothered by such thoughtful attention. But with Gunner, it makes me feel like someone cares for me. And I’m not sure if that’s worse or better given the circumstances. “Truth be told, I felt kind of stupid that I rushed over to tell you about it when nothing had even happened yet. Add to that I’m being an overly emotional female since I’m not feeling too great.”

“Are you coming down with something?” he asks, concern flooding his voice.

“That’ll teach me to dance in the rain, huh?” I say, a soft smile on my lips at a memory that feels like yesterday and forever ago all at the same time.

“Seriously, you’re okay?”

“I think it’s just a cold. Sniffles. Headache. Nothing major,” I explain.

“Can I bring you anything? Do you want to stay at my place? What do you need?”

“No. Thank you. I’m fine. I just need to sleep. Lots of sleep and I’m sure I’ll be fine in the morning for the registration drive tomorrow.”

“I’ve got the kids handled tomorrow. Stay there and rest.”

“No. It’s fine—”

“It’s fine from a woman is a surefire indication that everything is not fine.” His chuckle rumbles across the line. “So stop saying it, get some rest, and think of me.”

“Now that, I can do. Goodnight, Gunner.”

“Goodnight, Chase.”

I close my eyes, a smile on my lips that no one can see but that I can feel.

Why does it seem as though the sound of his voice can make me feel like everything is better?

How do I do this? How do I perpetrate a lie so that I can be with him?

Because the deal-breaker is if he’s in a relationship with someone. A long-term relationship. And that isn’t what we have.

I don’t have a choice really. He knows I’ll be leaving for home at some point, so I’m going to enjoy the time I have with him, and then, fingers crossed, be able to walk away with some pride still intact.

I pull my laptop into bed with me and open up Kelly’s email. Gunner is staring back at me before I begin scrolling to find a lone article about him. I skim the subtitles, but note that it covers his heroics, the bar he opened in memory of his fallen soldiers, and the incredible work he’s doing at The Center. Why couldn’t I find this online when I first looked him up?

But I can’t bring myself to read it. It feels dirty. Like I’m cheating when I’m already cheating enough.

I’d rather learn this information from him. I’d rather ask him.