“No one. You forget, I’m not like you two,” I assert, trying to keep perspective in this conversation. The last thing I need is to give them something to gloat about.

“That’s what we’ve all said until it was our turn,” Brexton says, and of course, she’s the last of us to fall prey to the whole relationship, happily-ever-after thing.

“I know I said it,” Dekker chimes in.

“Look. He’s a good guy. I don’t want to hurt him, but is it so wrong to want to enjoy the rest of the time I have with him? He makes me laugh. He makes me feel good. I actually want to spend time with him—”

“Whoa. You feeling okay?” Brexton asks, and I realize how unlike me that comment sounds.

“Funny. I’m being serious,” I say.

“Let her finish what she was saying,” Dekker says.

“Is it so wrong that I simply want to enjoy the time I have left with him in whatever parameter this is—wrong or not?” I ask. “Besides, I made promises at The Center. That I’d volunteer through the end of the month. I can’t let the kids down.”

“And just like that, you’d walk away when it’s time to come home? You actually think after all of this ‘fun’ you two are having that it will be that easy? What about him? Put yourself in his shoes. How would you feel if someone was doing the same to you?”

I’d be crushed. Pissed. Confused.

I don’t answer out loud because they already know the answer. They know how much I value morals and honesty, and here I am being a total, fucking hypocrite.

“Maybe I just need to figure out why this guy, his letter, and everything about this situation has taken hold of me since day one and never let go,” I murmur.

“Here’s the advice I’m going to give you,” Dekker says as she shifts to mom-big sister mode. “I understand what you’re saying and your line of thinking, but you need to be honest with yourself. The reason you’re willing to compromise your integrity and the woman we all know is because there’s something more between the two of you. Is it fast? Perhaps, but sometimes when you know, you know. You need to admit to yourself that you’re doing this because you more than like him. And you need to understand that it’s not going to be as easy as you think to walk away from him in the end.”

Her words make me feel like my throat is closing up on me. “That’s ridic—”