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Chapters (50)
  1. ABOUT THE BOOK
  2. ABOUT THE AUTHOR
  3. TITLE PAGE
  4. INTRODUCTION
  5. A NOTE ON THE ILLUSTRATIONS
  6. TITUS GROAN
  7. The Hall of the Bright Carvings
  8. The Great Kitchen
  9. Swelter
  10. The Stone Lanes
  11. ‘The Spy-Hole’
  12. Fuchsia
  13. ‘Tallow and Birdseed’
  14. A Gold Ring for Titus
  15. Sepulchrave
  16. Prunesquallor’s Knee-Cap
  17. The Attic
  18. The Frivolous Cake
  19. ‘Mrs Slagg By Moonlight’
  20. Keda
  21. ‘First Blood’
  22. ‘Assemblage’
  23. ‘Titus is Christened’
  24. Means of Escape
  25. ‘A Field of Flagstones’
  26. ‘Over the Roofscape’
  27. ‘Near and Far’
  28. ‘Dust and Ivy’
  29. ‘The Body by the Window’
  30. ‘Ullage of Sunflower’
  31. Soap for Greasepaint
  32. At the Prunesquallors
  33. A Gift of the Gab
  34. While the Old Nurse Dozes
  35. Flay Brings a Message
  36. The Library
  37. In a Lime-Green Light
  38. Reintroducing the Twins
  39. ‘The Fir-Cones’
  40. Keda and Rantel
  41. The Room of Roots
  42. ‘Inklings of Glory’
  43. ‘Preparations for Arson’
  44. The Grotto
  45. Knives in the Moon
  46. ‘The Sun Goes Down Again’
  47. ‘Meanwhile’
  48. ‘The Burning’
  49. And Horses Took Them Home
  50. COVER

‘One must choose where to strike,’ said Steerpike, ‘and it is obvious that to strike at the most vulnerable nerve centre of the opponent is the shrewdest preliminary measure. But there must be no half-heartedness. It is all or nothing.’

‘All or nothing,’ echoed Clarice.

‘And now you must tell me, dear ladies, what is your brother’s main interest?’

They went on smoothing their knees.

‘Is it not literature?’ said Steerpike. ‘Is he not a great lover of books?’

They nodded.

‘He’s very clever,’ said Cora.

‘But he reads it all in books,’ said Clarice.

‘Exactly.’ Steerpike followed quickly upon this. ‘Then if he lost his books, he would be all but defeated. If the centre of his life were destroyed he would be but a shell. As I see it, your Ladyships, it is at his library that our first thrust must be directed. You must have your rights,’ he added hotly. ‘It is only fair that you should have your rights.’ He took a dramatic step towards the Lady Cora Groan; he raised his voice: ‘My Lady Cora Groan, do you not agree?’

Cora, who had been sitting on the extreme edge of her chair in her excitement, now rose and nodded her head so violently as to throw her hair into confusion.

Clarice, on being asked, followed her sister’s example, and Steerpike relit his pipe from the fire and leaned against the mantelpiece for a few moments, sending out wreaths of smoke from between his thin lips.

‘You have helped me a great deal, your Ladyships,’ he said at last, drawing at his stubby pipe and watching a smoke-ring float to the ceiling. ‘You are prepared, I am sure, for the sake of your own honour, to assist me further in my struggle for your deliverance.’ He understood from the movements of their perched bodies that they agreed that this was so.

‘The question that arises in that case’, said Steerpike, ‘is how are we to dispose of your brother’s books and thereby bring home to him his responsibilities? What do you feel is the obvious method of destroying a library full of books? Have you been to his library lately, your Ladyships?’

They shook their heads.

‘How would you proceed, Lady Cora? What method would you use to destroy a hundred thousand books?’

Steerpike removed his pipe from his lips and gazed intently at her.

‘I’d burn them,’ said Cora,

This was exactly what Steerpike had wanted her to say; but he shook his head. ‘That would be difficult. What could we burn it with?’

‘With fire,’ said Clarice.

‘But how would we start the fire, Lady Clarice?’ said Steerpike pretending to look perplexed.

‘Straw,’ said Cora.

‘That is a possibility,’ said Steerpike, stroking his chin. ‘I wonder if your idea would work swiftly enough. Do you think it would?’

‘Yes, yes!’ said Clarice. ‘Straw is lovely to burn.’