Reggie nodded. He liked the ‘us’ in that sentence, and he relaxed a little. He looked out of the car window, but he could feel the pull of the man beside him and hated that he was this way. It was so difficult in the world they inhabited. It was seen as a weakness, as an aberration of sorts. He should never have tried it on with Lenny, even though he believed it was something they both wanted. He had guessed that Lenny Scott had never acted on his impulses. People like Lenny lived a life of normality as a matter of form. Now Reggie had stirred him up, and this could go either way. Lenny was quite capable of killing him over this, so great would his fear be about anyone finding out the truth.

Reggie had been celled-up with a lag from North London; the old boy was doing a lump and a half. They had some good times, and he had made Reggie see that it wasn’t unnatural. How could it be, if they were both quite happy to indulge? But he had also warned him that in their world it was a definite no-no. Men had been scalped for less, and he made sure that Reggie understood that fact. Reggie had also learned that some men were only queer in prison and, once they stepped back out through the gates, they were as straight as an arrow once again. With him it had just been sex though – he had liked the fellow, but he had not felt like he did now about Lenny Scott, who had filled his mind day and night since they had first crossed paths. And Reggie was sure that Lenny reciprocated those feelings, whatever he might try to tell himself.

‘I’ve been there you know, Lenny. Denying what I really was. What I felt. I have been fighting these feelings since I was fourteen. God knows, in our world, our environment doesn’t exactly make it easy for us—’

Lenny interrupted him angrily. ‘What are you fucking on about? We were pissed. That is all it can be. I have a wife I love, and a little boy I fucking adore. This cannot ever be a part of my life. Think about it – I have a family and responsibilities, for fuck’s sake! If my Sharon ever even thought . . . That’s without Jack Johnson and the others . . .’

Reggie was quiet for a few seconds before he said gently, ‘Who are you trying to convince, Lenny? Me or you?’

Lenny sighed heavily. This was so far out of his remit it was almost impossible to believe. That he was even considering it . . . But there were no two ways about it – considering it, he was.

Chapter Thirty-Two