She walked out of the room and left them to their own devices. She really couldn’t do this any more. They were too much for her. She poured herself a glass of wine and took a big gulp. This was her time – a bit of peace. The boys were ruffians; always fighting, always together. She had had enough. Lenny’s father thought they were wonderful – chips off the old block. She gulped at her wine again, and savoured the taste. If only he fucking knew the truth.

All she did was work and be a mother – that was all that she’d thought she needed. But she was still a young woman and, as the time had gone on, she was beginning to realise that what she really needed was a man. But she definitely wanted a real man. She would not allow herself to be so stupid this next time around. He would be a real fucking man all right, in every way that mattered. She would make sure of that much.

She missed the closeness of sex before she had been so cruelly shown that the man she had married and loved – oh, how she had loved him! – had been no more than a liar and a cheat. He had wanted her in the beginning – she had to believe that. But after he met Reggie he had used her shamelessly. It still broke her heart to think of how he had duped her, how he had used her. Seeing the devastation on Reggie’s face when the news of Lenny’s death broke had been enough to convince her that she was right about her husband. How that had hurt. Yet even knowing what he’d done, she could not stop loving him. That was what really angered her.

How many nights had she lain there, going back over every moment of their life together and looking for clues that convinced her that she had been made a complete fool of? He had wanted a man over her – a big, handsome, masculine man. She closed her eyes and tried to force the images away. They would gain her nothing, except pain.

She finished the wine and poured herself another glass. She would drink this one slowly.

She heard the boys upstairs and knew they were getting ready for bed, even at this early hour. They always went to bed when they had upset her. And she was ashamed to say that she let them.

Chapter Eighty-Five