I prodded my feelings about them and decided they didn’t have anything to do with my baggage. By the time they’d gotten me, I’d been sixteen and eyeing college with the desperation of someone who craved freedom. I’d already given up on connecting with any of the families I was assigned.

A shout from the field drew my attention as the group started to disperse. Judging by the lackeys packing up equipment, practice was over. I found Derrick in the throng, laughing with Parker and Soren.

I hadn’t made many friends in the last few years, partly because I wanted to focus on school, but partly because it was easier to not try. Why had these guys been the ones who made it past my walls?

Derrick pulled his helmet off, and my heart went all fluttery in my chest as he turned that grin on me. He crooked his finger, and like a good little groupie, I trotted down from the bleachers. At least I could blame my flush on the stairs.

I met him at the edge of the field by the entrance. He walked toward me—sweaty, dirty, beautiful, and smiling like he never wanted to do anything else. The pure joy of his expression touched something inside me, and I had trouble drawing a full breath.

He leaned down to kiss me, lingering to rub his nose against mine. “Sorry, I’m all sweaty. I need to take a shower and get dressed. Wait for me?”

The immediate urge to say yes—to accommodate him simply because he asked—raised all my defensive hackles. It wasn’t our normal night to study, but he was asking to spend extra time with me. I desperately wanted that time with him. Low grade panic tightened my shoulders at the wave of dependency that accompanied my response. I needed some space to clear my head before I did something stupid.

I shook my head as I stepped back. “I can’t. I need to work on this honors project that Professor Laken keeps rejecting.”

The joy dimmed, but Derrick nodded. “Then I’ll see you tomorrow at lunch.”

I smiled at him, but I couldn’t force myself to confirm. “Don’t forget to read that chapter you keep putting off.”

Sadness flashed in his eyes as if he understood something I didn’t. “I won’t. Thanks for coming, Em.”

“Anytime, Derrick.”

I turned away before I lost control of my face and jogged toward the stadium entrance. Our last exchange had sounded strangely final, but I hadn’t lied. I did need to work on that project. If he couldn’t understand that, then maybe some distance was a good idea.

The thought broke something inside me, but I’d had plenty of practice stitching myself back together.

10

NADIA