I skipped lunch the next day. And the next. I went shopping for new body wash. I put in an extra shift at the community center. I did my best to think about anything other than Derrick for more than five minutes straight.

I failed. Utterly.

Derrick had irrevocably marked me with his presence. So much that two days without him made me cranky, like nothing in my life fit quite right. I took a deep breath to ease the tightness in my chest.

For once, I had the living room to myself, so I should have been trying to make some headway on my honors project. Professor Laken wasn’t messing around with his high standards. Instead of doing research, I’d watched the TU game. My laptop sat, unused, on the coffee table, until the game ended with another victory. I was proud of Derrick and the team but watching him play brought back that mix of fear and longing. I turned off the TV before I gave in and did something stupid like text him.

What would I say? Sorry for ghosting you? Much better to pretend I wasn’t hiding. I couldn’t even come up with a good reason for my avoidance other than pure cowardice. He opened me to emotions I hadn’t felt in a long time—to a vision of the future that I couldn’t trust.

Not just him either. The whole lunch crew had snuck into my life, as evidenced by the fact that Eva had texted me every five minutes during the first lunch I’d missed until I’d responded that I didn’t feel well. It hadn’t been a total lie. My stomach had been churning since that moment with Derrick on the field. She must have told him because he’d only sent me one message asking if he could bring me anything.

My self-imposed hiatus would end on Monday. As many times as I told myself to show some restraint and sit somewhere else in class, I always ended up next to him. This obsession couldn’t be healthy. I needed to get my shit together.

As if thinking about him conjured him up, my phone vibrated on the table, and Derrick’s name flashed on the screen. You home?

I tapped my finger against my leg, unsure if I should respond. Was I taking the time I needed to process the realization that my feelings were more than casual, or was I running away again? Both. It was both. I grimaced. Avoiding him wouldn’t solve anything. If I wanted to deal with my shit, I should actually work at it.

I picked up my phone. Yes. Why?

You’ll see.