“Hell no,” Lydia scoffs. “I’m just saying that you shouldn’t judge. Hopefully, Miles won’t judge you when he finds out about your old-white-man fetish.”

“It’s not that weird,” I say, even as Claudia laughs. “And it’s not like I’d just randomly mention Yeah, I love to look at pictures of Harrison Ford when I get off.”

“Hey, you never know,” Claudia says, leaning back in her chair. “Boys don’t listen to anything, anyway. You could probably tell him that you’re the Zodiac Killer and he wouldn’t actually hear you.”

“That’s not true—”

“He’s definitely not hearing anything after getting laid, though,” Lydia agrees, pointing a finger at me. “So you could give him head or something and then share all your darkest secrets.”

“What?” I shake my head, shoulders heaving with laughter. “Lydia, do you hear yourself sometimes?”

I turn to Claudia, but her face is red from laughing too much. I can’t even blame her. It doesn’t matter if Lydia is serious or not. She goes from being embarrassed about buying sex toys to providing explicit advice like it’s not a big deal. I love her so much.

“Wait, wait,” Claudia says, finally catching her breath. “If you’re giving him head, he should do something for you. It’s only fair.”

“I’m not on the pill,” I say. It’s the truth, but not the main reason why I’m hesitant.

“So?” She wiggles her eyebrows. “You don’t have to have, like, penetrative sex.”

“Claudia,” I say. “You sound like my doctor.”

“I’m just saying you can figure it out,” she says. “Who knows? Maybe Miles will want to return the favor.”

I stare at her. “You think you’re so clever, don’t you?”

She grins.

“Maybe you can jerk off together,” Lydia suggests. “That’s kind of nice.”

A woman walks past, glancing over at us. There aren’t many people around—mostly senior citizens who probably can’t hear what we’re saying. It still feels sort of icky. There’s a difference between talking about this in front of people who remind me of my grandparents and joking within the walls of the Pleasure Chest.

“Guys,” I hiss. “We’re in a public place.”

“Old people have sex,” Claudia says. “There’s not an age limit on getting off.”

I almost choke on my hot chocolate.

It’s impossible to be around my friends and feel uncomfortable. I just met them this year, but I feel like I fit with them. I bought a vibrator with Claudia. Lydia let me sleep over at her house a week after I met her. They act like they can tell me anything. That means I should be able to do the same with them, right?