‘But that’s not what he does. Instead he gets in a twist, piles on the insults, starts with the tortures, overlooks the good points Caliban’s got, such as musical talent. But by the end, Prospero’s learning that maybe not everything is somebody else’s fault. Plus, he sees that the bad in Caliban is pretty much the same as the bad in him, Prospero. They’re both angry, both name-callers, both full of revenge: they’re joined at the hip. Caliban is like his bad other self. Like father, like son. So he owns up: “This thing of darkness I acknowledge mine.” That’s what he says, and that’s what he means.

‘So after the play, Prospero tries to make up for what he did wrong. He takes Caliban onto the ship, runs him under the shower, scrubs off that fishy smell, orders him some fancy new clothes, makes him, like, a pageboy or something, so he can learn to eat from a plate. Says he’s sorry and they need to start fresh. Appeals to the artistic side of Caliban, what with the beautiful dreams and all. Once Caliban is cleaned up and well dressed and has manners, people don’t think he’s ugly any more. They think he’s, like, rugged.

‘So Prospero sets him up as a musician, back in Milan. Once he gets a break, the kid does really well. He can bring out, like the darkness emotions in people, but in a musical way. He has to keep away from the booze though, it’s poison to him, turns him crazy. So he makes the effort, and he stays clean.

‘Next thing you know he’s a star. Prospero’s really proud of him. The kid is top billing at all the duke-type concerts. He’s got a stage name, he’s got a band: HAG-SEED AND THE THINGS OF DARKNESS. He’s, like, world-famous.

‘That’s our report. We hope you like it.’

This time the class is in full agreement. There’s a chorus of ‘Yeahs’ and ‘Way-to-gos,’ and a round of applause that swells to a rhythmic clapping, then a stamping of feet. ‘Hag-Seed! Hag-Seed! We want Hag-Seed!’

Felix stands up. This shouldn’t get too far out of control. ‘That was excellent, Team Hag-Seed. Full marks! A very creative interpretation! And a fitting end to the formal part of this class. Next up, cast party! Are we ready?’

THE BAGS OF potato chips and the cans of ginger ale are handed out. There’s talk, the clinking of ginger ale cans, an air of muted celebration. In a few minutes they’ll sidle up to Felix one by one and cough up some form of bashful thanks. It’s what happens at these parties, every time. That, plus the opening of the chip bags and the swift pocketing of the cigarettes.