The uncertainty in her voice has me grinding my molars. I don’t want to stay away from her—especially knowing that we’re running up against the clock and she’ll be leaving for California by the end of the month—but I don’t have the luxury of getting what I want right now.

“You can and you will. We’re going to talk every single night, Maddie. I want you to text me all day long, every damn day. I hate that we can’t be together right now… but I need to be here for Fielding until we get through this. Calling hours will be next Tuesday, then the funeral is Wednesday. Just let me get him through the next ten days.”

“Do what you have to do to get through this. But promise me you’ll tell me if there’s anything I can do to help,” she asserts.

“Talking to you every day and knowing you’ll be back in my arms when this is over is all I need. Just hang tight and be patient… I promise I’ll make this up to you.”

We hang up a few minutes later, but my mind is no less settled after our call. Part of me feels like this won’t be enough. That I’ve grown dependent on her presence. That I need to see her and feel her beside me to be okay.

But then I think of him, and the trepidation settles. I have an obligation to my mom’s memory; I have a responsibility to Fielding’s stability.

We can get through this. I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure my brother is okay and that we both make it through the next ten days.

Even if I hate the thought of wasting one single minute of the rest of the summer without Maddie by my side.

We made it to the weekend.

The days ticked by dreadfully slow, my daily to do lists and the need to keep Fielding on the straight and narrow the only things keeping me going. I slog through every day, taking care of everything I can think of. Then at night, I let myself unwind when I talk to her.

We exchange texts throughout the day, but it’s the nightly calls that keep me going. Even if they start as regular phone calls, they always end up being FaceTimes. There’s just something about seeing her smile that soothes me.

With calling hours and the funeral just a few days away, I’m expecting the first out-of-towners to arrive tomorrow. Soon, Field and I will have to suit up and turn on the charm, having the same conversations over and over again. I’m already exhausted.