I looked after Negash, feeling like my heart was going to crawl up my throat. I turned to Elias, who hadn’t moved or said a word since his mom came out. The way his mouth contorted, but could not make words, as if the realization of what he’d just done had robbed him of the ability to speak, made me finally start moving.

“You need to go talk to her. I’ll go home,” I said numbly.

I started walking fast toward the gate of the compound without daring to look in the direction of the house, overcome with guilt and dread that I’d brought this down on Elias. “I’m taking off, okay? I’ll go out to the main road and get a taxi. I’ll call you later.”

I heard the crunch of the glass, and suddenly I felt Elias’s hand gripping my elbow.

“Desta. Stop.” He sounded so desperate and so lost that I froze. The need in his voice kept me from running. I had to dig my fingernails into my hands in order to keep from reaching out for him.

Touching him like that out here in the open was not an option, so I moved away. He let go of my elbow, and then we started moving toward the car. “I will take you home.”

We both got in, and I had to push the heel of my hand into my chest. My heart was beating fast and my breaths were coming in short pants. I was convinced I’d ruined everything for Elias. His relationship with his parents, his departure to the States. His life. His future. I’d fucked up everything.

I opened my mouth and what came out was a croak. When I tried again, my voice sounded small and scared. “I’m so sorry.”

Elias was still silent, and he gripped the steering wheel of the car with such force I thought he was going to snap it off with his bare hands. I could see him trying hard to control his breathing, his eyes closed tightly. After a few more seconds I saw his shoulders loosen, and he opened his eyes to look at me. They were like embers, hot with whatever he was feeling.

“Never be sorry. Never be sorry for touching me or loving me.” His voice gave out then, and despite my fear that his would make everything worse, I kissed him, because I couldn’t not reach for him if he needed me.

Our mouths met in a chaste kiss and we pressed our foreheads together. “What’s going to happen now? I’m scared I’ve made everything worse by coming here.”

He shook his head forcefully. His hands interlocked at the back of my neck. “No. Don’t say that. I need to talk to them and I don’t know what will happen, but I can’t lie anymore.”