And then Jen’s all in to drive us to his motel to have some alone time because she wanted him, but she was glad he wanted me and since no one had ever had me, and he was an excellent candidate for that first, she was all in to help.

Though, at the time, I had no clue he wanted me.

I had no clue why I even went.

Except this was Preacher.

And I told him how my dad was always on my case about my weight, and how we’d just come back from a visitation with him and the whole time he’d been up in my face about it.

And I don’t know what it was, how it just flooded out, why it just flooded out for Preacher.

Telling him about how shitty that made me feel and how I looked in the mirror and saw one thing, but my dad saw another, and I didn’t know which to believe.

Preacher would make sure I knew which one to believe.

Which one was real.

He’d do it that night.

And he’d keep doing it for as long as we were together.

Then he started talking about his mom and dad and brother and we were lying on separate beds, talking to the dark ceiling, but he started talking about that and I didn’t think he was into me.

I thought I’d misjudged him and the guys. Rock studs out for one thing.

But I was wrong, and he was just a nice guy who noticed I was in a bad way and did something about it.

I mean, of course, I thought he was beautiful. Because he was.

I also thought he was totally out of my league and I figured the person who knew that the most was Preacher.

He didn’t touch me. He didn’t try anything.

He listened.

And now he was sharing.

God, sharing such…

[Closes eyes, opens them]

[Whispers] God.

So, I got out of the bed I was lying on and went and sat on the side of his and took up his hand and held it real tight.

And the minute I did, he whispers, all soft, “Fuck, never in my wildest imaginings, growin’ up, knowin’ I was nothin’, I’d amount to nothin’, that one day a beautiful, sweet girl like you would be holding my hand.”

A beautiful sweet girl.

[Pets her animals instinctively while her eyes wander to the window]

[Whispers] Preacher McCade calling me beautiful.

Yeah.

[Looks back]

He let me know which one to believe.

I didn’t realize until much later, when I’d had more time with him, when I knew him better, how hesitant he was when he was relating that story to me.

I was so into that dark room, that night, him and what was happening between us, I didn’t even notice it then.