Jeff is out when I get back to the apartment. I vaguely remember him telling me about some gig he was playing tonight. I wish I knew where it was, I could go along, take my mind off my latest fuck-up. On the counter stands a plate of risotto covered in film, with a note, Heat for 3 mins. Jeff is determined to fatten me up.

The first few bites satisfy what little appetite I have, so I dump the rest in the trash and reach for the wine. It’s going to be a long night without Jeff here. Just me, the wine, the fears, the plans. Ringing Joanna’s phone brought no success, each time the same response. ‘I can’t answer right now, please leave a message.’ I hope she’s not ghosting me.

Hours pass, hours spent searching the web, hoping for some small piece of new information about Katie Collins. Anything. My eyes are stinging and there’s still no sign of Jeff. I decide to go to bed. To try to sleep even for a few hours. Putting my phone on silent, just in case Danny rings to moan about the horrible present, I wish I could do the same with my mind. Put it on silent mode, stop hassling me mode, or just switch off.

The next thing I know the sun is creeping in between the crack in the curtains. I’m happy I slept all night, and without the help of any medication. The phone is flashing on the duvet. Shit, someone is calling me. It’s Danny.

‘Danny?’

‘What the hell, Becca? I’ve been ringing you all night. Is that phone ever on?’

‘Sorry, I had it on silent. What’s up?’

‘It’s Joanna. She went into labor when I got back to the house after the baby shower.’

‘Is everything okay?’

‘Great, everything is great… Auntie Becca. You have a beautiful nephew, seven pounds, one ounce.’

‘Oh, that’s fantastic news. How is Joanna?’

‘Tired. She’s sleeping now, so I’m heading home to grab a couple of hours myself.’

‘Can I visit later?’

‘Yes, of course. Liam is dying to meet you.’

Phew. He doesn’t know. Maybe I can keep it like that if I get to Joanna before she tells him. Before she shows him.

I wonder if Edith knitted that coat, hoping to put it on her own daughter some day. Maybe over the years she took it out, hugged it, hoped, until time extinguished the dream. Or it could be an heirloom she wished to pass on. Wherever it came from, I don’t understand why Bert gave it to Danny. Surely he knew the condition it was in?

Chapter Thirty-Four

My father is coming down the stairs when I open the door.

‘Congrats, Grandpa.’

The smile on his face brings back memories.

‘Great news, isn’t it?’ he says, running a comb through his wet hair.