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Chapters (71)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. Prologue
  4. Chapter One
  5. Chapter Two
  6. Chapter Three
  7. Chapter Four
  8. Chapter Five
  9. Chapter Six
  10. Chapter Seven
  11. Chapter Eight
  12. Chapter Nine
  13. Chapter Ten
  14. Chapter Eleven
  15. Chapter Twelve
  16. Chapter Thirteen
  17. Chapter Fourteen
  18. Chapter Fifteen
  19. Chapter Sixteen
  20. Chapter Seventeen
  21. Chapter Eighteen
  22. Chapter Nineteen
  23. Chapter Twenty
  24. Chapter Twenty-One
  25. Chapter Twenty-Two
  26. Chapter Twenty-Three
  27. Chapter Twenty-Four
  28. Chapter Twenty-Five
  29. Chapter Twenty-Six
  30. Chapter Twenty-Seven
  31. Chapter Twenty-Eight
  32. Chapter Twenty-Nine
  33. Chapter Thirty
  34. Chapter Thirty-One
  35. Chapter Thirty-Two
  36. Chapter Thirty-Three
  37. Chapter Thirty-Four
  38. Chapter Thirty-Five
  39. Chapter Thirty-Six
  40. Chapter Thirty-Seven
  41. Chapter Thirty-Eight
  42. Chapter Thirty-Nine
  43. Chapter Forty
  44. Chapter Forty-One
  45. Chapter Forty-Two
  46. Chapter Forty-Three
  47. Chapter Forty-Four
  48. Chapter Forty-Five
  49. Chapter Forty-Six
  50. Chapter Forty-Seven
  51. Chapter Forty-Eight
  52. Chapter Forty-Nine
  53. Chapter Fifty
  54. Chapter Fifty-One
  55. Chapter Fifty-Two
  56. Chapter Fifty-Three
  57. Chapter Fifty-Four
  58. Chapter Fifty-Five
  59. Chapter Fifty-Six
  60. Chapter Fifty-Seven
  61. Chapter Fifty-Eight
  62. Chapter Fifty-Nine
  63. Chapter Sixty
  64. Chapter Sixty-One
  65. Chapter Sixty-Two
  66. Chapter Sixty-Three
  67. Chapter Sixty-Four
  68. A Letter from Jackie
  69. Acknowledgements
  70. About the Author
  71. Also by Jackie Walsh

Mom has fallen asleep with her hand still cradled in mine.

When the doctor leaves, I lay my head on the side of Mom’s bed. Lucy tidies things up, then tells me to press the red button if Mom shows any signs of being agitated.

With the room empty of strangers I straighten up and pull the chair in closer to the bed. I look at Mom’s eyelids flickering in her sleep. I want to see her secrets, see behind the fading windows into her soul.

‘Tell me, Mom. What did you mean? What do you know?’

Her breathing sounds like the second hand printing machine Dad bought when I was a kid – puff-puff, chukka-chukka, puff-puff-pow. Mom went crazy when he assembled it in the back room of the house. Said it was like living at the Boston Globe. It lasted for less than a week, then Dad had to sell it, at a loss. He moaned for a while but Mom said he would have experienced a much bigger loss if he’d kept it.

With my head resting on the bed I close my eyes and fall asleep until a trolley passes by the door, the noise from the squeaky wheels waking me up. Jolting into an upright position, I look out the window to see shades of tomorrow piercing the darkness. I check my phone and see Jeff has sent two text messages, asking where I am, if I’m okay. I’d forgotten about Jeff, that there was someone out there who cared. I look to the parking lot below, where a nurse is getting out of a car, cup of coffee in hand, blue uniform freshly ironed. It’s not even six a.m. yet.

Then I think of Dr. Reilly, and wonder what time she gets to her office. I doubt it’s this early. The idea hits me like a baseball bat to my unprotected head.

Dr. Josie Reilly’s office is empty now.

Chapter Forty-Four

Passing Barry wasn’t an issue, I told him I was going for a stroll to stretch my legs. He asked if everything was okay with Mom and I told him what happened. He sighed, shook his head, and made some comment about being in the hands of our Maker.

Dr. Reilly’s office is the third door down. Standing outside, the keypad glows like temptation. I know this could get me into a lot of trouble, but I need to find out what’s in that report, what led to me being dropped from the trial. A loud crash echoes from the lobby. I freeze, keeping my eye on the door at the end of the corridor, but no one comes through it.