Morgan was too young to know the power of the feeling that was filling her gut. It was instinct, telling her to get out the car, but she was already fighting so many misconceptions. She was just trying to be down. She knew if she messed up the flow of the night, they would think she was lame or childish. They pulled out of the parking lot, and despite her nagging gut ringing in alarm, she went anyway. This pressure she felt in her chest that made it hard to breathe, hard to swallow…it told her she was different from everyone around her and she just wanted to be the same. So, she stayed silent, as Lucas placed a hand on her thigh, inching his fingers up toward the place between her legs as they drove. She tensed, and he slipped her a pill.

“You need to relax,” he said.

She knew it was ecstasy. She wasn’t a stranger to the euphoric feeling it provided; and if she was going to go through with this, she would need help. She knew Lucas’ expectation of her and it was too late to say no. She took the pill, grabbing the bottle of vodka that was being passed around the car to rinse it down with. It only took minutes to take effect, and she felt the indecision leaving her, as they pulled into a motel.

“I thought we were getting food?” she signed, as she turned to face Nish.

“Relax, we can order something,” Nish signed back.

“Y’all talking shit about us right in our face, huh?” Lucas asked, with a smile.

“Nah, just a little girl talk,” Nish answered. “Relax; these niggas are a big deal, bitch,” she signed. Morgan and Nish weren’t impressed by the same things. Nish was chasing material things that could be bought and sold, which in turn meant she was up for sale, willing to rent her body out to the highest bidder. Morgan was chasing a feeling. A feeling of unconditional love, acceptance, appreciation for her uniqueness. She knew before she stepped across the threshold of the seedy motel room that Lucas couldn’t give her that, but she wasn’t looking to spoil everyone’s fun.

Morgan got out the truck and followed everyone inside. The stale scent of tobacco filled the dated room.

Morgan poured herself another shot, taking it to the head; the burn giving her confidence, as Lucas pulled her down onto his lap.

“You’re sexy as fuck,” he growled, as he leaned back on the bed, his elbows supporting him.

She tried to pull back, but he pulled her down with him. Her dress riding up, exposing her thong, as Nish pulled out her phone.

He was attractive, but he wasn’t Messiah, and she wasn’t feeling how hard he was going.

“Chill,” she signed. “Slow down.”

“What she say?” he asked, as he looked at Nish.