As a teenager in the 1960s, Chris found it harder to exist in the color-blind world that Elinor and Frederick created. He read the Autobiography of Malcolm X and became intrigued by the Black Power Movement. At fourteen, Chris began to embrace his black heritage more openly than his white side. He wore an Afro and went to school wearing dashikis.

“I became kind of self-conscious about being in public with my father and having one of my black friends say, ‘Oh your father is white.’ Like it wouldn’t be obvious anyway that one of my parents was white. But I went through this period, at least three or four years, like I was kind of on alert when we’d ride around in the car.” Frederick didn’t say anything about his son’s increasingly moody attitude, but it became so troubling to Elinor that she confronted Chris. She looked her son straight in the eye and told him, “Don’t make me choose between the two of you. Because I’m going to choose him.”

That moment stuck with Chris. He interpreted Elinor as telling him to respect his father—and that she was more concerned with how Frederick felt than about appreciating the difficult position her son was navigating as a mixed-race child during intense social unrest. “Ten years later I could say, ‘Well, yes, it’s important that if you have elements of your DNA and personality that you have to acknowledge whatever you’re made up of,’” said Chris. However, it was clear to the teenage Chris that his mother didn’t understand.29

Frederick may have avoided the issue of race because, as a white man, he simply had no idea how to comfort his son. He may have felt guilt for not being able to understand what being half black meant in a racist society. Or he didn’t want to unleash emotions and problems for which he didn’t have a solution.

Chris was accepted into and attended the New England Conservatory of Music. Elinor and Frederick drove up for his final graduation concert. Chris knew his father was still ambivalent about his talent, but Frederick dutifully attended and took a seat in the auditorium alongside the other parents. Before Chris went onstage Elinor said to him, “Play pretty for the people.” And he did just that, churning out a melodious rendition of “Stella by Starlight.” “I remember my mother was proud and said, ‘That was beautiful, Christopher.’” He didn’t expect a compliment from Frederick, nor did he remember getting one. But by then, Chris had accepted his father on Frederick’s terms. He knew his dad wasn’t going to gush over him, ever—he didn’t know how.