I always knew I’d join the Time Police. I hadn’t said anything because I knew my parents wouldn’t like it. They work for the Institute of Historical Research at St Mary’s Priory and the two organisations tend to hate each other on sight. St Mary’s does work with the Time Police occasionally – although not for them, as my mother is always very keen to point out. Sometimes it ends well, although usually it doesn’t, so I was expecting all sorts of fuss when I told them.

There was a long silence and then Dad said, ‘For how long?’

‘Two years,’ I said, and they both looked so relieved that I felt compelled to add, ‘to begin with.’

‘And then?’

‘I don’t know. Depends how it goes, I suppose.’

‘But why?’ said Mum.

‘The initial contract is always for two years. After that there’s a variety of options, ranging from . . .’

‘No, I mean why on earth would you want to join the Time Police? They have the combined intelligence of a pencil sharpener.’

I nearly said, ‘It’s my home,’ but although this was true to some extent – the Time Police had once housed and educated me – it wasn’t what Mum and Dad wanted to hear at that moment, so I told them the work interested me.

‘They shoot people,’ said my mother, waving her arms about. ‘They race up and down the timeline wearing stupid black cloaks and buggering up everything they touch. They’re a bunch of lying toerags with no principles or honour. They don’t keep their word. You can’t trust them an inch. They . . .’

Dad pulled her back down again and she subsided. ‘We agreed,’ he said mildly, ‘that Matthew should choose his own way and that whatever he decided to do with his life, we would support and encourage him.’

‘I am supporting and encouraging him,’ she said, crossly. ‘I’m just making sure he understands what a terrible mistake he’s making and that he’s aware of the true nature of the imbeciles with whom he intends to spend every moment of the next two years. Always supposing they don’t manage to kill him on his first day. Which could happen. Especially the way they go about things. Seriously, Matthew, if you want to join a bunch of mindless thugs who can’t get anything right and ruin people’s lives, why don’t you become a politician?’

‘It’s no different to the way things have been up till now,’ I said, keeping calm because one of us had to. ‘I’ve been in and out of the TPHQ for a couple of years now and you’ve been all right with that.’