LEWIS: Where?

DOUG: You’re not deaf, are you? The last thing we want is a deaf director. So what district? Suburb? Locale?

LEWIS: Northcote.

DOUG: What street?

LEWIS: Near the abattoirs.

DOUG: Oh, yeah, bit of a whiff in the morning?

LEWIS: It stinks all right.

DOUG: Cattle? Pigs?

LEWIS: Pigs.

DOUG: Scream a lot?

LEWIS: Sometimes.

Pause.

DOUG: Shacked up with a few sheilas, are you?

LEWIS: No.

DOUG: So, you’re a poof?

ROY: About bloody time!

CHERRY, RUTH and JULIE enter.

CHERRY: It’s a long walk.

DOUG: Do you good, you can lose some weight.

CHERRY: Go burn a cat.

JUSTIN: Doug! Cherry! [A beat.] Cherry, this is Lewis, our director.

LEWIS: [shaking her hand] Hello.

CHERRY: [referring to his weak grip] I’m not fragile.

JUSTIN: Lewis, this is Ruth.

RUTH: [softly] Hello.

JUSTIN: And… I’m sorry, I don’t know your name.

JULIE: Julie.

DOUG: Detoxed yet?

JUSTIN: I want you on your best behaviour.

DOUG: What have I done now?

JUSTIN: Lewis, they all have to be back in their wards at four. Love to be here, but I’ve got a day of meetings. Rush, rush. Where would the world be without social workers?

DOUG: In tip-top condition.

HENRY smiles.

JUSTIN: [sotto voce to LEWIS] Whenever this place gets too much for me, I always think of this definition—a madman is someone who arrives at a fancy dress party dressed in the Emperor’s new clothes. You’ll find it’s a help to remember that.

Far from helping LEWIS, it totally confuses him.

[To everyone] I’m off—break a leg!

He goes.

CHERRY: Do all social workers have a black sense of humour?

ROY: [exasperated] It’s theatre talk, you drongo.

There is a long silence. Everyone is shy and they are waiting for some leadership from LEWIS who, stuck in these strange circumstances, doesn’t know where to begin.

LEWIS: [hesitantly] This is an unusual position for me… I directed some plays at university… and, well… this is my first year out—

ROY: [impatiently] Come on, Jerry, let’s get this show on the road.

HENRY gets up to go. ROY addresses him as if he were a dog.

Stay. Stay, Henry.

HENRY sits down again. ROY turns back to LEWIS.

So, we’ll start now?

LEWIS: Yes, I guess it really gets down to what we want to do. I’m open. It looks like a small cast. We could do The Exception and the Rule. It’s a play by Bertolt Brecht, a German playwright.

DOUG: What’s it about?

LEWIS: How a man sacrifices himself for the good of his mates.

DOUG: I don’t want to do any Christian plays.

LEWIS: No, it’s not a Christian play, it’s—

ROY: No, no, no! We’re wasting time. I’ve already chosen what we’re doing. Così fan Tutte.

Nobody has really heard of it. HENRY gets up to go.

Henry!

HENRY obediently sits.

DOUG: We’re going to perform it?

ROY: Yes.

DOUG: It’s only a couple of minutes long.

ROY: It’s three hours long, drongo. It’s an opera.