ROY: Jerry, I believe in Henry, he’s the perfect Don Alfonso. Henry used to be a lawyer, they’re all cynical, like Don Alfonso. And, look, Cherry’s a natural for Despina.

CHERRY: Who’s she?

ROY: The maid.

CHERRY: But I want a large role.

ROY: It’s practically the largest. Every audience takes Despina to their bosom.

DOUG: Bit like the men’s wards have already done.

CHERRY: One more crack—

ROY: And, of course, the others pick themselves. Julie as Fiordiligi, Dorabella is Ruth. Doug, you’ll be Ferrando and I’ll be Guglielmo. Typecasting, really.

LEWIS: Roy—

ROY: We must get started on the costumes. I’ve told Occupational Therapy to stop making those baskets—

LEWIS: Roy—

ROY: And the set, my God, who’ll paint the backdrops?

LEWIS: [loudly] Roy!

Everyone stops, even LEWIS is surprised at how loudly he yelled. Pause.

ROY: Hark! Adolf Hitler has spoken. [Almost confidentially to those near him, letting them know he is speaking from experience] All directors are tyrants.

LEWIS: [more softly] Roy—

ROY: That’s the name.

LEWIS: We’ve auditioned everyone this morning—

ROY: And you were thorough. Thorough. I was impressed—

LEWIS: And I did notice something—

ROY: Ah, already: details!

LEWIS: No one can sing.

ROY: I can carry a tune, Ruth can—

LEWIS: What I mean is, Roy, no one can sing opera.

Pause.

ROY: We certainly got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, didn’t we?

LEWIS: Opera voices take years of training.

ROY: Not in the old days. Enthusiasm, natural talent—

LEWIS: And on top of everything else, the opera is in Italian. That’s an incredible burden, even for the most brilliant talent. [A beat.] Isn’t it?

Pause.

ROY: I aim for the stars, Jerry, is that such a bad thing—

LEWIS: No, I like your enthusiasm—

ROY: Then, let’s aim for the stars!

DOUG: [to JULIE] I want what Roy’s on.

CHERRY: Maybe we should do that play Lewis talked about.

DOUG: It sounded boring.

ROY: I second that.

DOUG: As boring as this opera. Let’s do a rock musical. A nude, tribal, let’s make love not war, man, rock opera. [To CHERRY] You’ll stay dressed, of course.

ROY: I’ve got it! I’ve licked the problem. Jerry, in his amazing way, has hit the nail on the head. Singing and learning Italian is probably a bit too much to ask for, so let’s sing it in English. Jerry can translate the Italian into English. We’ll start rehearsals immediately.

LEWIS: Roy, I don’t think you see my point. It will be hard to go into rehearsals immediately because no one can sing the music.

ROY: Straight to the crux of the problem again! I tell you what, we rehearse it like a proper play, you know, a stage play, then, as we learn the songs, we incorporate them into the stage business we have learnt.

LEWIS is beaten by ROY’s enthusiasm. ZAC collapses head first onto the piano keys with a resounding atonal chord.

LEWIS: Is he all right?