You’re the only one I can talk to you about any of this, yet I’m still not being honest. I’m still holding stuff back. I’m afraid if I write it out, something really bad will happen. I know I’m being paranoid. Spelling out the words won’t bring the ceiling down, yet I can’t make myself do it.

I wish I were stronger. My mom was strong. I see that now. She let go of this painful Earth because she felt she had no other choice. I hate that she left me, but I understand it now.

I wish I were as brave.

Yours always,

Alex

My hands shook as I pulled out another folded piece of paper. Her words became darker the more I read, and I was close to going inside the cabin and forcing her tell me what she hadn’t said in the letters, but I couldn’t tear myself away.

Rafe,

I got drunk tonight. Graduation is supposed to be cause for celebration, so I partook in the craziness. I shouldn’t have because I was off my game when I came home. He was waiting for me in the shadows, enraged because he thought I’d fucked someone else.

He just left my room, and now…now I’m disgusted with myself and stone cold sober. I don’t fight him anymore. Truth is, I stopped fighting him after they took you away. I fucking hate myself, Rafe. Probably more than you hate me.

He made me come tonight. It’s happened a few times before, but tonight was different. Tonight, he hit me, pinched my nipples so hard he had to smother my cries with a pillow. They weren’t cries of pain, and that’s why I’m so sick right now.

What is wrong with me?

Crazy thing is, as I write this and remember, I’m still turned on. But it’s you I’m thinking of and not him. After I’m done writing this, I’m going to climb into bed and touch myself. I’ll regret thinking of you in the morning because it’s not fair to gain pleasure when you’re where you are.

But I can’t help myself right now. I need to wash away his touch and replace it with something else. When my fingers are sliding between my thighs, I’ll pretend they’re yours, pretend your tongue is down there too. He hasn’t done that yet. I’m probably the only seventeen-year-old girl who hasn’t had her pussy eaten out.

Tonight, in my heart, in my dreams, it’ll be you.

Yours always,

Alex