“What the hell done got into you? I said bring your ass home!”

“No. I’ll be home later. Bye, Ma.”

I hung up the phone, cutting off the cussout she had started to give me. I would put up with a whipping later. Right now, I just wanted to smoke and chill.

“You know squares can be hazardous to a baby’s health,” Rasul said, holding a cigarette to my lips while I sucked in. Just two pulls because I didn’t want to throw up because I hadn’t had a square in a couple weeks, since Nakesha had stole one of her parents’ packs out of a carton. I instantly remembered sometimes cigarettes were stronger than weed. I was immediately light-headed and calm, seeing through a clear haze that was nicotine’s sedation.

“Not if the baby ain’t gonna ever get here,” I told him, lying on my side and staring at his face, right at the bright white spot on his cheek. I clutched the money that was still stuck in the jeans I had left at Rasul’s, which he had returned to me that afternoon. All the money was there, and if he had noticed it at all he hadn’t said anything yet. I hadn’t told him about the appointment that was one week away. I reached out suddenly and traced the spot with my finger. I wanted so badly to ask him what these strange marks were, the one thing I always knew I would remember about him, but I figured he would have told me by now had he wanted to.

“Damn, so you really serious about this abortion shit?”

“Yep.” I closed my eyes to enjoy the calm. I hummed to myself and wasn’t the least bit embarrassed about my voice: Soon we’ll be done …

“That’s messed up.”

“I don’t need you to make me feel bad about it,” I spat without opening my eyes.

“I ain’t trying to make you feel bad about nothin’,” he said.

“You don’t have to tell me what’s messed up. I know I messed up and all I’m trying to do is fix it.”

Why was he trying to convince me to have this child? It wasn’t like he was going to be doing anything to help.

“Maybe instead of worrying about me you should be trying to quit smokin’,” I snarled, changing the subject and turning my back. “When your people coming back?”

“Why, you planning on staying again?”

“No, I’m leaving tonight. I just wanted to know.”

“They should be back tomorrow.”

“Oh.” Damn, I had to go back home. And Rasul just couldn’t drop it.

“You know, wasn’t none of us wanted.”

“Who is us?”

“Shit, Black folks. Look at me.”