Izabel couldn’t sleep. She was worried that Cami would be different when Elm was no longer inside her. What if the tree left and took part of Cami with them? What if she didn’t remember Jana? What if she didn’t remember any of them? What if Cami didn’t wake up at all?

Or what if she was fine, but she resented Izabel forever for making the tree leave her? That seemed entirely possible when Izabel considered how long she had resented the trees for taking her mother. When she considered how long she would continue to grieve her mother. The more she thought about it, the more she was sure Cami would wake up and never smile at her again. She’d smile at Jana, and Kaito, after a day or two. Izabel would see those smiles, but that’s it. Izabel would leave to work with Paz in the mornings and Cami would squirm out of her hugs.

In the same way the job had filled her with excitement, this filled her with worry. Suddenly she was sure she’d made every wrong decision she could make. Probably since falling in love with Kaito and being happy when the world was dying.

To fall asleep, Izabel thought about opening her app, but something about it didn’t appeal to her anymore. Instead Izabel tried to imagine her childhood home, to build it in her mind. A good memory of her mother’s living room. A framed photograph. Her mother’s coasters. But she kept seeing the room covered in pollen, shattered glass on the floor, the vines having broken through the windows. She saw giant lazy pumpkins on the couch where she used to sit in her mother’s arms.

In the morning, Cami ran into Kaito and Izabel’s bed. She pushed her arm under Izabel’s neck and hugged her.

“Good morning,” Izabel said.

“Morning, Mommy,” Cami said. “Did you get a good sleep?”

“Yes. How about you?”

“I said goodbye to tree friend.”

“You remember?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you sad?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m sorry, mi amorcito. Is there anything I can do?”

“Play LEGOs?”

“Would that help?”

“Yeah!” Cami said.

“Okay, why don’t you go get them out and start building and I’ll meet you in there after I brush my teeth? Did you brush your teeth?”

“No. I can’t do it myself!”

“Oh, then come brush your teeth with me.”

Cami was already jumping out of the bed and heading for the bathroom.

“She seems okay,” Kaito said, rolling over.

“I think she is,” Izabel said. She leaned over and kissed him.

Walking to the bathroom, a feeling was there, that she was perfectly in control of her life. She decided to trust it.

Acknowledgments

Creating the world of Clean Air required the help of so many generous people.