"Alone? And what about you?"

"Oh, me," he said with a shrug. Zora added: "He will kill himself."

By this time her game had given her enough pleasure. She felt mature again. But after a week of torment the stage was set for a great love scene; she knew now that if she left Rango he would not console himself with Zora. That was all she needed to know. Perhaps she was not so much wiser than they were...perhaps she did not have herself too great a faith in love... Perhaps there was in her a Zora in need of protection and a wildly anxious Rango in need of reassurances. And perhaps that was why she loved them, and perhaps Zora was right to believe in her love as she did in her moments of lucidity...

In the face of death Rango seemed less violent, Zora less tyrannical, and Djuna less wise. And when Zora looked at Djuna above the rim of her glasses which she had picked up in a scrap basket at somebody's door and which were not suited to her eyes—she looked as children do when they stare and frown over the rim of their parents' glasses, these pretenders to the throne of maturity...

"Rango, wake up wake up wake up wake up wake up, there's a leak."

Rango opened his eyes and then jumped: "Oh, I forgot to pump the water yesterday."

The second face of Rango, after awakening, following the bewildered and innocent one, contained this expression of total, of absolute, distress common to children and adolescents betraying an exaggeration in the vision of reality, a sense of the menacing, disproportionate stature of this reality. Only children and adolescents know this total despair, as if every wound were fatal and irremediable, every moment the last, death and dangers looming immense as they had loomed in Djuna's mind during the night...

Rango repaired the leak vigorously, and they walked out on the quay. It was a moment before dawn, and some fishermen were already installed because the river was smooth for fishing. One of them had caught something unusual and was holding it out for Djuna to see, and laughing.

It was a doll.

It was a doll who had committed suicide during the night.

The water had washed off its features. Her hair aureoled her face with crystalline glow.

Noah's Ark had survived the flood.

A Spy in the House of Love

A SPY IN THE HOUSE OF LOVE

MAIN CHARACTERS

Sabina: Fragmented, chaotic, guilt-ridden Hungarian wife of Alan; has affairs with Philip, John, and Mambo; despite the men in her life, including Jay, she has never truly loved. Composite character based on June Miller and the aspect of Anaïs Nin that sought to emulate her (see Henry & June).

Alan: Calm, detached, understanding, and paternal husband of Sabina; unable to accept the fact that his wife has changed during their marriage. Based on Nin’s husband, Hugh Guiler (see Mirages).