His words make my heart race, and now I’m really glad I did not get that extra espresso. “I guess I was inspired after the show last night,” I say. “It was incredible. She just has such a clear brand and message. I felt like my brain was a switchboard and all these lights were going off in me at once.” Then I tell him about the photographer from Vogue asking me if I had my own line. “I mean, I’d never be qualified for something like that, obviously, but it was just so sweet, you know? I guess this is just my imaginary line,” I say, taking the sketchbook back. It feels more substantial in my hands now—and also more fragile, like if I lost the notebook, maybe I’d lose this moment, and this sense of conviction washing over me.

“Why imaginary?” Alex cocks his head to the side. “I’m not an expert on design or anything, but it seems like you have the skills to go for it if you wanted to. Plenty of creative directors I work with were not trained at the standard schools or whatever. And these are self-made millionaires I’m talking about. The most common qualities they all have are vision and tenacity.”

“But—I can barely even sew,” I say, thinking back to the time I tried to stitch up a hole in the sleeve of my Isabel Marant sweater and ended up with a Frankenstein-looking thing from my wrist to my elbow.

“So? Everyone starts from somewhere,” Alex says, leaning forward in his seat. “Besides, you wouldn’t have to actually sew, or even totally design the clothes all by yourself. You could be more of a creative director—the person who has the unique creative vision.” He looks me straight in the eye with his warm brown eyes. “The question is, is designing your own line something you want to do? Would it make you happy?”

Would it? I think on it for a moment. The thought makes me both excited and terrified. It’s such unknown territory. An option that I never even knew could be a real possibility for me. And this idea of being a creative director sounds kind of perfect. I can see myself sketching original pieces, picking out the perfect fabrics and materials, communicating the look and feel we want the brand to achieve, and the story that I want the clothes to tell. My heartbeat picks up. My fingers are itching to grab my pencils and start drawing again. But then another thought hits me. Could I actually pull this off with my life? K-pop will always come first; it has to. Music is my first love, and I wouldn’t want it any other way. Would I?

“Maybe,” I tell him truthfully. “But right now it’s kind of just my safe place to play and not worry about perfection.”