“So the thing I’ve never said before is that after I recovered from surgery, I had the strangest trauma from it. No one talks about that, but it’s not as uncommon as you might think, even for a relatively standard procedure. For months I didn’t recognize myself in the mirror, and I felt… I felt like I had had a piece of myself cut out. Like, my self. Like I genuinely wasn’t a whole person. Like everything I used to know about who I was had gone away. Debuting with TeenValentine kept me busy, but that didn’t help either, because that was all part of the New Akari’s life. And I didn’t have anything left of my old life to anchor me or remind me of me. I didn’t have you.”

“Oh Akari.” I’m trying not to cry at her story. As fragile as I’ve been feeling lately, this is Akari’s moment, not mine. I need to be strong for her, not make it about me. “I’m so sorry. I wish I had known. I wish I had been there for you. I should have. That’s what friends do, and I failed you on that.” It’s hard for me to say those words, let alone to admit they’re true. I’m not used to failing at anything, not truly, and especially not something important and meaningful and deep like this. “I’m sorry about everything,” I add. “But especially for the ways I hurt you. If I could go back and do things differently, I would.” I hang my head, feeling the full brunt of my regret. It hurts to acknowledge it, but it also feels good to finally say it out loud. “I wish I had been by your side through all of it.”

She clears her throat. “It’s okay, though. Really, it is. I didn’t come here just to try and get an apology out of you. I really have moved on.” She tucks her cropped hair behind her ear and looks me in the eye. “I had some help getting through it all—professional help.”

In the world of K-pop, talking about mental health is still somewhat taboo—another one of the infuriatingly archaic elements of the industry. I feel a fierce swell of pride for Akari having the strength to get the help she needed.

“Anyway,” she continues, “we have a new album coming out that’s already getting amazing early press, so honestly, I’m doing better than ever.” Her eyes are still a little watery, but she sits up straighter and gives me a half smile that is the most Akari smile ever. “In fact, that’s why I came over. To tell you I’m a badass bitch and I’m flying high!” she says with a joke-y snap of her fingers.