If I thought I was busy before launch, I don’t know what I was thinking. Days pass marked by Girls Forever commitments, calls for interviews about RACHEL K., designing and planning orders for new bags, and shooting social media promotions.

Is this what having it all looks like?

The craziest part about success that most people don’t know: No matter how huge the moment is, it doesn’t actually change your day-to-day life as much as you would think. You’re still hurrying to get out of your shower in the morning and make it to group appearances on time. You’re still cranky when you get stuck in a long line trying to grab an iced mocha to go. You’re still worried about making the right impressions. You still miss your family. You still don’t know how to wrestle the fear in your chest when you think about the future—including the amazing guy who called you his girlfriend in front of his whole family even though you weren’t quite ready for him to.

I know I should talk to Alex about our relationship. About how that term sends twin jolts of joy and anxiety through me each time he uses it But at the same time, things feel so good right now, that I don’t want to risk it. My brand is being received better than I could have hoped. I just celebrated my six-year anniversary with the girls and feel closer to them than ever. I’m back at home with my family. And, even if we don’t get to see each other as often as we’d like, I have an amazing guy in my life. I don’t want to ruin all that with difficult conversations. At least for the moment, it’s like I’ve achieved some perfect but fragile equilibrium. Like I’m balancing a dozen plates, but one wrong move will send them all shattering down.

There’s no heat on earth like Shanghai in August. As soon as I exit Pudong Airport, I can feel the humidity, my skin prickling with sweat. I’m dying for a shower, but we won’t be checking into the Peninsula Hotel this trip. In just under eight hours, we’ll be right back here to catch our return flight home to Seoul.