She bit her lip, and then rambled on, something about maybe she could wear her gray joggers and a tank top, something that would show her cleavage. Or maybe I made that part up. Maybe I was driving myself mad with my worst nightmare, with imagining Shawn peeling those sweatpants off her the way I had the first night she’d let me touch her.

I blacked out as she continued talking, not registering a word of it. My entire plan blew up in a nuclear fashion right before my eyes.

I was too late.

I’d missed my one shot to tell her how I felt.

Just two nights ago, she was naked and clinging to me, kissing me desperately, begging for me.

Now, I knew I’d never touch her again.

Shawn had seen his opportunity, and he’d made his move.

Then again, if she’d so willingly agreed, did I really ever have a shot with her in the first place? Was it all really fake to her, void of feelings?

Was I just a friend in her eyes?

Thought after thought pummeled me like relentless waves crashing against a jagged shoreline until it was too much to bear the weight of. Between my father, my mother, Maliyah, and now this? I couldn’t swim anymore. I couldn’t fight to keep my head above water.

So, I took one last breath, one last longing look at Giana as she lit up talking about what her date would be like with another man.

Then, I let myself sink down to the bottom, and I sat there, vision blurring through the salty water, slowly drowning, but not struggling to save myself.

This whole thing had been my plan, my idea.

And now, I had no choice but to lie in the watery bed I’d made.

Chapter Twenty-One

Giana

The week dragged by like dead weight in quicksand, each day seeming to last longer than the one before it.

Even though I felt like I’d extended an olive branch and cleared the awkward air between me and Clay after the whole sorry I walked out on you naked, here are some flowers debacle, he was still acting weird. Or maybe he was just focused on the upcoming game against the number two seed in our conference. Or maybe he was spending all his time with Maliyah. I had no way of knowing, because other than him stopping by my apartment on Sunday, I hadn’t heard from him.

I didn’t know what we were doing, didn’t know if we were just letting the fake thing between us slowly fizzle out, or if we were unintentionally planting seeds for our fake breakup. Riley asked me about what was going on halfway through the week, but I just shrugged, told her things were fine and tried to seal the lie with a convincing smile.