After a long pause, I bent to retrieve my jacket, shrugging it on over my open dress shirt before I fastened my pants and redid the belt. I stood there a moment longer once I was half-dressed again, watching Giana and breaking with every second that I did.

I approached her slowly, sliding my hand against her cheek until she closed her eyes and let out a long exhale.

“I’m not breaking my promise,” I told her, waiting until her eyes opened again and found mine.

And I believed it. I believed in the very center of who I was that I still would take her virginity and show her the map of every way to achieve pleasure in bed.

But I wouldn’t do it under the guise of it being fake.

I needed to clear my head, to sift through every fucked-up thought and emotion that had been haunting me all week so I could tell her what I was feeling.

And then, I had to pray it wasn’t one-sided.

Pressing a soft kiss against her temple, I released her, bolting for her front door before the beast inside me could overturn my control.

And on my walk home, I started making a plan.

Chapter Twenty

Giana

“How’s my little mouse?”

It was ridiculous, how those four words from my father nearly made me burst into tears. They filled my eyes without warning as I walked across campus two days later, tucking my coat more around me to shield from the brutal wind.

“I’m good, Dad,” I lied, but couldn’t stop myself from sniffing to keep the tears at bay, as well as the snot running from the sudden onslaught of emotions.

“Mmm,” he responded, and we both knew he was well aware that I was not okay. “Did you hear that Laura is receiving an award for the research she did last semester?”

“Really?” Instantly, my emotions stabled — which was likely why Dad had changed the subject. He knew when I wanted to talk and when I wanted to hermit. “That’s incredible.”

“Your mother and I are going to visit for the ceremony next month. I thought maybe we could come visit you, too. It’s when you have a home game against the Hawks. We’d love to see you in action out there on the field.”

I let out a bit of a laugh on my next breath because he and I both knew that it was I, not we, that belonged in that sentence.

“You know I don’t suit up and play football, right?”

“And you know that I see you working hard on the sidelines every game, right?”

I stopped mid-stride, emotion strangling me once again. “You do?”

“Of course, I do, my little mouse. And I watched every interview you did for the auction Friday night, too. You’re very well-spoken, young lady. I was highly impressed.”